Mr. & Mrs. Witch

Episode Report Card
Retard Family Values

Raige visits a melancholy Henry to ask him why it's so hard for him to get close to people. Henry doesn't know, but he thinks it's because he bounced around so many foster homes, and just when he got close to someone, they would leave. Then he corrects himself with, "Or really, I would leave." Hm, I wonder if that was a real slip or a Freudian slip. Maybe he's another version of Death? Henry apologizes for his "fight-or-flight thing." Raige tells him it's nothing to apologize for, and they make out.Retard's heinously large dorm room. Ma Retard strokes the picture of the Retard and her Milk Carton and wetly reminisces about their sisterhood. Ma Retard realizes it might have been the wrong choice not to tell the Retard that they continued to look for the Milk Carton. She also admits that she always knew she had witchy children because their grandmother was one: "I guess it skipped a generation, huh?" Just like male-pattern baldness. Ma Retard tells her daughter that she's destined for greatness with her powers, and encourages her to embrace it. The Retard promises to find her Milk Carton. Ma Retard pulls out a book from her purse and says it was the Milk Carton's diary: "We never could figure out what the last entry meant -- maybe you can." Ma Retard touches the Retard's cheek, telling her to be safe, and leaves. The Retard flips open the diary to the last entry and looks at the intricate, perfectly sketched Celtic symbol that my friend has as a tattoo. Wait, how old was the kid when she was kidnapped? Must be one talented Milk Carton. Probably even 2%.

Next week, I'm still here and my liver grows ever more saturated as we deal with a hostage situation and a no-magic-in-public situation. Sound familiar? You know, I gotta hand it to this show for being consistent in the last two years. Consistently bad. Every once in awhile a fairly good episode squeaks past them, but otherwise they've got good quality control going on. And by that, I mean they actually control, restrain, and tie down the quality.

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