Ruh roh! The parlor is suddenly strafed by machine-gun fire. Phoebe and Prue duck behind the sofa while Piper hides behind a table. The lazy Ps demand that Piper run through the gunfire to join them, I guess to make their last stand, er, breast thrust before meeting their doom. Piper rushes toward them, and freezes the bullets as the total F/X budget for this episode is blown early in an attempt to rip-off The Matrix. More bullets are fired around the room. Prue makes it all about her and complains that she doesnt "need this today." Phoebe wonders why demons would use bullets. Piper proposes that the shooter is not a demon. Prue wonders who would want to kill them. Phoebe quips that Prue was "a little sharp to the postman the other day, and we know how testy they can be." Sure -- back when that zinger was topical, six years ago. The Ps hear a noise at the front door and make plans to fight back. But just then, behind them, a woman clad in form-fitting black latex and a pageboy wig appears with a machine gun. Oh my God! Its Julia Roberts from the first reel of Pretty Woman, come to gun down Prue for single-handedly ending the "hooker-wear chic" fashion trend Julia started ten years ago! No, wait. Its Gina Gershon from the "biker lesbian" floor show in Showgirls, come to ice Prue for attempting to steal Ginas vampy sexpot schtick. Oh, wait. Its just some nobody walk-on actress who doesnt even get to say a line and earn her SAG card before the bullets she fires at the Halliwells are frozen by Piper and redirected into her torso by Prue. The woman falls back into the kitchen, dead. The Ps look at her. Shannen Doherty says in her famous "theyre paying me to say this line but not to mean it" monotone: "Oh my god shes not a demon."
Credits. Mr. Spelling, I know you have enough money to update the credits and remove the shots of the first season hairstyles.
Id be singing the blues on a sidewalk in the French Quarter, too, if I were in New Orleans and someone dared to serve me a cup of Folgers. Ew.
San Francisco. The Bayfront. Alcatraz Island. TransAmerica Pyramid. Streetcars. The "eh" is put back in establishing shots, and were back on the Halliwell Manor set on a dusty LA backlot. The camera glances briefly at the dead womans corpse before panning over to the Halliwell sisters busily rifling through her stuff. Vultures, much? Piper finds fake passports, foreign currency, and ninja throwing stars. Prue finds this really stupid one-inch blade hidden in a lipstick case and quips all Roger Moore-as-007, "Not exactly Avon calling." Q rolls over in his grave. Piper finds an apartment card showing that the hit lady lived nearby, and finds this "scary." Huh? Phoebe thinks its "scarier that they were never attacked by a mortal before." Double huh? Prue adds that they never "killed a mortal before" either. Phoebe comforts her by telling her that she had no choice. Shannen monotones that "it doesnt make it easier" and adds a constipated look. And that about covers any remorse the sisters have about slaying their first human. (Conversely, on Buffy, this type of occurrence has been treated with much more angst and realism.) Next. The Ps guilt trip ends as Piper finds a list of "marks" the hit lady was keeping in a notebook. The only names not crossed off are "M. Steadwell" and "P. Halliwell." Prue has a brainstorm: "Someone hired her!" Uh, duh! Piper adds, "Someone who knows we have powers." For the radio listeners, she reads from the page in the notebook as its shown in close-up: "Prue: telekinesis. Piper: Power to freeze. Phoebe: Negligible." Phoebe pouts and whines, and I can only add: BWA HA HA! Ms. Hellfire, we hardly knew ye. Your stay on this show was far too short. Prue wonders why a demon would hire a mortal to kill them. Piper adds that she wishes they knew that "before they called . . ."