Ms. Hellfire

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Ms. Hellfire

Ms. Hellfire’s apartment. Piper and Prue enter through an elevator door. Prue exults in the glamorous décor and luxury. Piper, to her credit, dismisses it all as the fruits of the hit woman’s killing labor. She goes to check out the kitchen (huh? Will her forgotten chef’s training come in handy here?) while Prue goes straight to the woman’s closet in the bedroom. Prue oohs and aahs over all the rubber and latex fetish gear and starts feeling up the woman’s fur coats, exclaiming, "Oh! Oh! Oh my! Faux!" because Ms. Hellfire might have been a man-killer but she was too PC to wear real animal skins. A mass of contradictions she, and ten times more complex than the regulars on this program. Cut to Piper in the kitchen, finding bare cupboards. Then cut to Prue having even more orgasms as she finds an armoire full of jewelry and wigs, including this pink one that looks just the one Frenchie wore in Grease as the "Beauty School Dropout." In case we DIDN’T GET IT, Prue adds that she "could get used to this" and didn’t we already see this side of Prue in the "Futurama" episode? Aren’t we already well aware of Prue’s raging whore-whore complex? Prue holds a vinyl dress up to her figure in the mirror and you can already tell she’s plotting -- while I’m plotzing. Piper goes through the mail on a table, and enters the bedroom to find: Stand back, stand back in the middle of the room in the dominatrix dress, it’s Prue! As she throws a black floor-length duster with a fur collar and cuffs over the ensemble, she spins around in front of the mirror and grunts enthusiastically at her visage. Piper asks Prue why she’s "twirling." Prue starts to hyperventilate as she praises the hit woman’s wardrobe, explaining, "Opportunity knocked and I answered." Or rather, she KNOCKED SOMEONE OFF AND IS NOW STEALING THAT SOMEONE’S CLOTHES. Prue shows Piper the wigs and makeup kits and "prosthetic endowments." Dear god, please keep Shannen away from those this episode. The Ps figure that no one ever really knew what the hit lady looked like. Piper adds that she found some roses in the front room addressed to a "Ms. Hellfire." Prue struts over to the arrangement and sees that the card is signed "Bane." Suddenly the elevator door opens and three thugs come out, all pointing their -- titter, titter -- guns at Prue. Prue holds her hands up and the thugs address her as Ms. Hellfire. The lead thug says his name is DJ and his boss is "very angry" with her. Piper freezes everyone and walks into the room, telling Prue they need to book. Prue protests, because she wants to impersonate Ms. H and find out who Bane is. The hard Ps argue, because Piper thinks this is "too dangerous." Prue wins the argument by pointing out that she has "something," ahem, guns "can’t compete with [sic]." She adds that the "something" is her telekinetic power, and my mind is thrust out of the gutter. Prue gets all excited and asks Piper to unfreeze the thugs so her charade can continue. Piper thinks Prue is "a little too eager to play this role." Piper hides and unfreezes the thugs, who lead the strutting Prue out the door. Piper looks at their taillights and sighs, wondering if it’s too late for her to call and book Prue on the upcoming "Does Your Sister Dress Like A Ho?" installment of Ricki Lake.

In Candyland, the Baldwin Brothers are considered to be the premier acting family. Just ask the M&Ms.

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