Ms. Hellfire

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Ms. Hellfire

Bane’s office. DJ walks in. A grey-haired man with a heavily-lined face appears in a cloud of red smoke. The old guy is wearing a trendy black suit and looks like Keith Richards but talks real raspy and slow, like the late William Hickey. He wants to know why the witches aren’t dead. DJ asks him how he knows they’re still alive. The old guy sniffs the air like a dinner theater Hannibal Lecter and says he’s developed "a sixth sense" during the long time he’s spent "in purgatory." Further exposition: He only has a twenty-four-hour "window" for enough witches to be killed so he can escape purgatory. He bores us further by demonstrating his skill in discovering a person’s "worst fear" and creating it for them. Turns out DJ is scared of being machine-gunned by Bane, although wasn’t it already established that Bane’s a pretty nice guy for a mobster? DJ is sufficiently spooked by the guy. Not explained: Why this demon hired Bane to hire Ms. Hellfire, especially since he had this "fear-casting" power. BC Powders, please come to my rescue.

Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Dan "Fogelberg" Gordon is there, measuring the broken windows and telling Piper that he’s sending "his crew" over to fix them. Dan, honey, your "butch" appearance in the jeans and full tool belt is severely mitigated by the perfect tendrils of hair the stylist formed with gel to frame the shag around your face. Dan shakes his ’do around and tells Piper he’s worried about her safety. Piper assures him that the shooting was just a "random drive-by." Dan asks Piper to move in with him. He adds, in a casual aside, that the house has been empty SINCE JENNY MOVED BACK WITH HER FOLKS. For one thing: WOO HOO! For another thing: why were we spared a heavily promoted sweeps-month death of our most hated character? And how do we know that she even made it to Saudi Arabia? Didn’t we last see her abandoned on the sidewalk by her uncle? Oh wait, I DON’T CARE. Moving on. Dan adds that the other Ps can move in with him, too, until the danger’s over. Piper thinks that might be a bad idea "since some of us don’t wear pajamas." My world goes black for a couple of minutes. When I come to, Dan is leaving and Phoebe’s entered the house with M. Steadwell. Piper freezes everyone to get caught up with Pheebs. Piper tells Phoebe that Dan offered to shack up with her. Phoebe tells Piper that Darryl’s put Ms. Hellfire’s body in the morgue under M. Steadwell’s name. Piper adds that Prue is impersonating Ms. H, and she can astral Prue-ject now. Phoebe stamps her feet and whines, "I hate her!" Tee hee.

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