Muse To My Ears

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | Grade It Now!
An episode that will live in infamy.

Being of creativity,
Show yourself now to me.
Your light which shines upon our face
Let our vision now embrace.

It's a pity Eutwerpe isn't The Muse Of Sensible Fashion Choices, because Phoebe desperately requires assistance in that area right about now. You remember the frilly white pantaloons I mentioned? Well, in addition to those, she's wearing a vibrant red camisole as a top, over which she's buttoned a navy blue fitted denim frock coat, complete with narrow mutton sleeves with lace at the cuffs. Add the black, low-heeled ankle boots on her feet and she's a couple of streaks of war paint away from being one of Adam Ant's whores. Actually, while I'm on the topic of clothing, Eutwerpe's in pretty sad shape herself. Peggy's outfit of choice was a simple, sleeveless full-length dress. Eutwerpe, poor thing, has found herself wrapped in a shapeless and unflattering pastel toga that looks like someone tossed a drop cloth over her head and cut out holes for her arms and her head. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that they were attempting to evoke the garment worn by the Statue of Liberty. It shouldn't surprise you to learn that they failed miserably.

Anyway, once Phoebe has ad-libbed her way through the spell, Eutwerpe The Being Of Pure Light becomes Eutwerpe Incarnate. Piper, Phoebe, and Raige stammer in surprise. Phoebe begins to make introductions, but Eutwerpe assures Phoebe that the muses know very well who the Charmed Ones are. After all, the muses have been inspiring the gals from the very beginning. Apropos of nothing save my sanity, Eutwerpe speaks with a sibilant British-sliding-into-Australian accent that is certain to annoy the living piss out of me before the evening is over. Eutwerpe gets busy with the backstory. The muses were "inspiring a symphony" when Cocky barged in on the proceedings with The Mood Ring Of Uninspired Contrivance. Eutwerpe further explains that The Mood Ring in and of itself is not Eeevil; it was created by "good magic" to channel the powers of the muses "in times of great need." No, I don't get the reasoning behind that, either. Just be quiet and listen. Now that the Mood Ring has fallen into Cocky's hands, the muses' powers of inspiration are in danger of being used to further his diabolical schemes.

The exposition is interrupted by the entrance of the Dolt -- or is he? He ambles over to the four women, all gangly stoner arms, and Phoebe introduces him to Eutwerpe. Stoned Dolt and Eutwerpe blurt simultaneously, "Nice to meet you!" and "We go way back," respectively. Stoned Dolt attempts to cover his gaffe while surreptitiously blinking a dagger into his hand behind his back. Piper's suspicions are aroused, and she hollers for the true Dolt. True Dolt immediately orbs in behind the gathering. Not Dolt jams the knife into Phoebe's back and blinks out. Phoebe snipers to the carpet as True Dolt, Piper, and Eutwerpe rush to her aid. Cole races into the attic just as Not Dolt blinks back in right behind Raige. He shouts a warning to Raige as Not Dolt morphs back into Cocky's stoned companion. Raige orbs out as the stoner lunges at her with the dagger. Piper, meanwhile, has whirled around to blow him up. True Dolt heals both Phoebe's wound and the tear in her frock coat. Raige, after several moments, orbs back in to rage about the intruder. Eutwerpe helpfully notes that the stoner was not the same warlock who abducted her cohorts. "They must be working together," Phoebe surmises. Cole steps up to the plate to bat us out to the commercial: "That, ladies and gentlemen, is what you call a faction."

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