Whatever. Raige mumbles something about transforming my EBIL into an entity that, while also immortal and invincible, is harmless. Her suggestion for that immortal, invincible, and harmless object? A tree. A TREE, goddammit. What. The Fuck. EVER! Raige wings the following couplet:
Changing seasons changes all --
Life renews as creation calls.
Piper picks up on Raige's train of thought and ad-libs the remainder of the spell:
Nothing is immune; everything transmutes.
So, take this demon and give him roots.
My erstwhile brother-in-law turns into a tree. A fucking tree. God, I hate this show.
End-of-episode blather about lessons learned. Briefly, it involves Piper and Raige realizing they complement each other and the Nymrods promising to learn to live without a man in their lives because "change is good." Shut up. All of you. Just…just…fucking…zip it, okay?
Manor, and -- awww. Whichever infant they swapped in for this shot of The Done One wriggling around beneath his binkie in the bassinet? Is freaking adorable. My phantom uterus throbs with envy at the very sight of him. Piper and the Dolt coo at the wee little thing for a bit before switching off his nightlight and heading back into the Boudoir proper. Raige enters to announce that she's taking the night off to get laid and no, I'm not kidding. Raige scored a date with one of tonight's Guest Testicles. "Rock on!" Raige enthuses, gesturing with the appropriate RAWK fingers before taking her leave. Brian Krause and Holly Marie Combs completely break character for the exchange that follows, but they're having a good time, so what the hell? Krause bluffs a failing attempt to ape Raige's RAWK fingers. Combs shakes her head and mutters, "Just give it up, man," before bursting into giggles. Krause grabs her and swings her up in the air, snickering along with her, before the camera finally cuts over to the last scene. Heh. "Ape."
The Bay Mirror. Phoebe edges into Chronic's office, and…oh, forget it. I can't. She's in another pair of Those Pants, and they're shooting her from a low angle so I'm staring right at The Tattoo and the creases where her legs meet her groin, and I just…nope. Sorry! Can't look! Will turn to stone! Averting my eyes now! Chronic and The Cooter natter on endlessly about their relationship and then they kiss and then the episode's over! Hooray!
Next week: I really could not care less. Anything's better than this, right? RIGHT?