Nymphs Just Want To Have Fun

Episode Report Card
Nymrods Just Want Demian Dead

The Donnas escort us through the opening travelogue, only to dump us rather unceremoniously in the Manor kitchen for some awkward exposition involving The Issues Of The Week. Long, looong story short, Piper's become an unreasonable bitch due to lack of sleep brought on by The Done One's nocturnal antics, and she deeply resents the changes Raige has summarily imposed upon the Manor order, the very least of which is a reorganized kitchen spice rack. Meanwhile, Raige, unemployed and bored, has continued to grope about blindly in a desperate attempt to determine her proper place in the coven hierarchy. This week, she's decided she's the lead witch. Piper clenches. Phoebe, looking quite a bit worse for the wear, tramps through the kitchen on the final leg of her Walk Of Shame with a too-bright "Morning! Don't ask!" before disappearing into the dining room. Piper and Raige immediately follow, clamoring for details.

Out in the hall, Phoebe mutters, "I knew I wasn't gonna get away with this," as she shamefacedly turns to admit that she "did something really bad." Yeah, you bled all over 340-thread-count sheets and scarred a poor immigrant woman for life, you vile hag. Only Phoebe merely cops to sleeping with her boss. "[Chronic]?" Piper howls incredulously. "No," Phoebe snaps. "Elise! Of course [Chronic]!" Heh. "How did this happen?" Piper asks. "It was very fast," sighs the Feebs. "Downer," opines the sage Raige. "Not that part!" Phoebe squeals. I should be sickened and repulsed, but this exchange is unusually amusing. Piper and Phoebe babble about the unfortunate "timing" of it all -- like, no kidding -- before Raige interrupts with, "Whatever. Can we get back to the whole 'eenh' part?" punctuating her question with an appropriate thrust of her hips. Heh. Speaking of unfortunate timing, in orbs the Dolt with distressing news of the Merry Mansons. Seems the scatterbrained hippies have been spotted eviscerating Sharon Tate look-alikes in the city proper, and the ever-useless Elders are worried about exposure. Cowardly Feebs is more worried about running into her boss at the office, and begs Raige to orb over to grab her a laptop so she can avoid the whole morning-after-the-night-before conversation, like, what the hell? I suppose we're meant to assume that Chronic bailed immediately upon finishing the deed, because otherwise they already would have had the dread morning-after chat, right? Whatever. Raige pffts all, "Not my problem, bitch," and orbs up to the attic to abuse the Book of Shadows. Piper, who'd been on her way to do the same thing, growls. Do I really have to slog through this goddamned Who's The Bestest Witch In All Of Halliwell Manor crap?

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