Nymphs Just Want To Have Fun

Episode Report Card
Nymrods Just Want Demian Dead

The Forest. Because, you know, San Francisco is just bristling with forests. Whatever. The Nymrods titter and giggle and lead my brother-in-law down the garden path while Raige straggles along behind them. Rose McGowan's face is plastered over with this Kill Me Now expression, like she's thinking, "Okay, they tossed that fucking leprechaun mess into my lap, and I dealt with it, but this shit? Is just too goddamn much for one woman to bear." I hear you, my sister. Matters only get worse when she hits the breathtakingly stupid feminist-versus-pre-feminist argument they've written for her and the Nymrods. The Nymrods are all, "Demian's new brother-in-law is our man and we have to do everything he says!" and Rose McGowan's all, "But you don't need a man to define your…you know what? Fuck this shit. Is this fucking season over yet? It isn't? Jesus H. motherfucking Christ on a stick! Get my fucking agent on the phone NOW! Stupid motherfucker pushes me into a goddamn motherfucking TV series, and this is the shit I have to put up with? Hey, asshole! It's Rose McGowan. You're fucking fired, you fuck!"

And interestingly enough, Microsoft Word's dictionary includes "motherfucker," but not "motherfucking." Gosh. The more you know! ["I was just noticing that. Weird, eh?" -- Sars]

The Nymrods jiggle over to a boulder and place their hands atop the thing. Rays of bright white cheese instantly erupt from the rock, and we switch to green-screen shots of the various actors gazing about in "wonderment" as the background blurs into a series of rapidly-moving smears. They all end up in a tropical garden that features a babbling brook and an enormous and crappy CGI waterfall high above their heads.

Elsewhere, a swirling cloud of glowing golf balls deposits Phoebe and Piper in front of my husband. My husband's all, "Hey," and Piper's all, "So how many more body parts do I have to blow off before you tell me where Raige is?" and my husband's all, "Bring it, biatch," and Piper's like, "Phoebe? Vanquish. 'Cause he's just gonna try to fry us and I'm gonna get mud all over my jeans when I dive out of the way and it's just so not worth it." Much like this episode. Phoebe slings back her arm, but my husband stops her, yelling, "Wait! I'll tell you." Phoebe drops her arm back by her side, and my husband's like, "Psych! Moron! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" Xavy shoots a jet of flame at the gals, but they dive out of the way, spattering mud all over their jeans in the process. Phoebe shrieks and tosses the vial, and I am once again a widower. Sigh. Piper and Raige decide to sit and wait for my erstwhile brother-in-law to return with Raige and the Nymrods.

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