So in this new movie, Madonna and Rupert Everett mate, and she gives birth to a stillborn British accent through her nasal passages.
Establishing shots of the nighttime San Fran skyline, while Warner Bros. Music's adenoid-of-the-week is blared at us. Halliwell Manor. Parlor. Piper brings Phoebe a glass of water. Dan asks her if she's okay, because she "really could have hurt [herself] falling down like that." Huh? Why don't you demonstrate the many ways in which one can hurt oneself falling down? I know I'd be entertained. Oh, and SHUT UP. Prue thinks everyone should "call it a night" and gives Piper a telling look. Piper gets the hint and shows Dan the door. Dan asks if Leo's "coming" too. The Halliwells make excuses that he has to stay to get glasses together to take back to the P3 After Dark. Leo peers around the corner to gawk at Dan and Piper necking goodnight in the foyer, although he very well could have just listened since the lip mics are cranked up to Jesus. Piper returns to the parlor and quizzes Leo on what he and Dan were chatting about all night. Prue asks her to drop it so they can find out what's the big with Phoebe. Phoebe expositions about hearing the old-timey party noises, then getting attacked by an unseen being. Prue wonders if it's a ghost. Phoebe says the attack felt "more like a daydream." When asked to elaborate and explain the dirty, wistful grin on her face, she admits that it was kind of like a "seduction." Phoebe asks Leo if he's ever run across an occurrence like this. He hasn't. Piper worries because they have no idea if or when "it" will strike again.
Campus of that unnamed, advertised-on-the-back-of-a-matchbook college that actually admitted Phoebe. Next day. Phoebe, in an ugly purple print clown blouse with a duffel-bag collar and first-day-of-school hard denim jeans is walking along with Prue, clad in a cornflower blue Gunne Sax tube dress with a slip hanging four inches out of the hem. Phoebe is "embarrassed" because her sister hasn't had to walk her to school since the first grade. The lazy Ps blather about Phoebe's "body" needing "guarding" from the spirit who's interested in it. Phoebe insists that Prue wait outside the lecture hall while she takes her exam. Prue assents. Her interest is piqued by a photography exhibit, so she walks over to the display. Oh my. Is this a little green bud of foreshadowing I see so early in the spring?
P3AD. Leo carries a box of glasses over to Piper, who's doing paperwork at the bar. He asks about Pheebs. Piper says she and Prue watched over her all night and nothing happened. Piper senses that Leo knows more than he's telling. Leo explains that he once heard about a similar situation in which a woman's past life had come back to haunt her in her present one. But Leo can't find out any more, since his wings have been clipped. Piper asks if he misses being a White Lighter. Leo says he does, especially when his help is needed. Aw. Holly Marie Combs is doing really well with this scene, and looking very pretty in her ponytail and light grey boat neck sweater. Uch, then Dan walks in, hoping that he's not interrupting anything. Keep hoping, babe. And shut up. Piper tells him that he isn't. Leo goes to the storeroom. Piper wonders what Dan is doing at the club. He says he stopped there on his way to the office. Then he adds, "If I ask a question, will you promise not to get mad at me?" At this point, I'd brace myself if I were Piper. Dan asks her how well she "really knows" Leo. Piper wants to know why he's asking. Dan: "Call me overprotective." Um, Dan that's the nice word for what you are. Piper tells him not to worry about Leo, because he's "an angel." HMC delivers the line with just the right amount of irony, humor and wistfulness. Kudos.