Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | 371 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Pardon My Past

1920s Halliwell Manor. Day. We start these scenes in sepia-toned POV shots of Pre-Phoebe getting out of a car in front of the manor. The manor had valet parking then. Pre-Phoebe walks up to the house past men in period tuxedos and women in vintage evening gowns. A woman thanks Pre-Pheebs for her "love potion." Pre-Phoebe approaches a doorman, who lets her into the manor. The place is packed with extras dressed like gangsters and flappers, all smoking and drinking and listening to jazz. Phoebe checks herself out in a mirror. She looks quite stunning in a Marseilles-waved black bobbed wig, diamond headband, red slip dress and matching feather boa.

Present Halliwell Manor. Phoebe, lying unconscious on the sofa, smiles. Piper asks Leo if she's okay. He thinks she is.

1920s Halliwell Manor. Pre-Phoebe fingers an amulet around her neck and looks over at the piano player and a flapper doing the Charleston next to him. The piano player looks at her. Ugh. It's Pre-Dan, with pomaded-back hair that's only slightly less greasy than present Dan. Pre-Phoebe glares at him. A woman accosts her and asks where she's been. Pre-Pheebs was getting "herbs" for her potions. Cut to Pre-Piper in a black beaded cocktail frock and bobbed wig. She approaches the bartender and tells him to hurry up with the "giggle water" for the speakeasy's patrons. Pre-Pheebs walks up to Pre-Piper, expositioning, "What's the matter, dear cousin, are you afraid of me?" Pre-Piper: "Should I be?" Pre-Pheebs goes over to Pre-Dan and harshes at him to play another song. Pre-Piper comes over and tells him to continue playing, or whatever it is Greg Vaughan thinks he's doing -- I've seen cast members from The Chimp Channel who mimicked piano playing better than he. Pre-Phoebe glares at Pre-Piper and leaves the parlor. She walks into the sunroom, where Pre-Prue, sporting a red pageboy wig that looks like it could stand up in a corner all by itself (and should, it's so bad) and a royal blue plunging-neckline party dress, is taking a photographic portrait. Pre-Phoebe greets her other cousin. Pre-Prue tells her they "need to talk." Pre-Phoebe is "through talking." She walks away. Pre-Piper comes up to Pre-Prue and hands her a written spell. The cousins all glare at each other. Pre-Phoebe walks over to a table where a little girl is telling a woman a fortune from a crystal ball. Pre-Phoebe freaks, because she told the little girl to watch her things, not to play with them. Pre-Pheebs grabs the girl's doll and smashes it on the floor. The little girl wails for her "dolly." Pre-Phoebe struts off, stepping on kittens and kicking puppies out of her way. Not really, because we already GET IT -- she's mean. A handsome guy comes up behind Pre-Pheebs in a doorway. He grabs her neck and pushes her against a wall. They sloppily French kiss. Pre-Phoebe drops her boa. Handsome Guy feels her up. Pre-Phoebe wonders, "Why must you tease me, Anton?" Anton leads her outside behind the manor. Several crates of liquor are scattered around the yard, bottles spilling out of them.

Charmed

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