I mean, Grandma was a fashion plate, literally. She was a model for MGM and in The Women, Dracula, and one of the Ziegfeld Follies movies, so her closet kind of had it going on, but I still wouldn't wear her decapitated nightgown around town. Also, I wouldn't go out of my way to perfectly match my seven-inches-deep eye shadow to my white satin top, RETARD! It's like you don't know where her shiny face leaves off and her equally shiny top begins. The Retard calls the demon "Rohtul," but it sounds so much like "Road Tool" that I'm really tempted to go with that; however, "Lester the Possessor" is making me giggle much more. The Retard reminds the demon and the viewing public of her Milk Carton crusade before electrocuting him some more. Clutching a balloon, Piper barges in, demanding to know why the hell she's torturing demons when the Psycho's birthday party is going on downstairs. Knowing the Psycho, torture would be far more entertaining than Pin the Tail on the Donkey, even if, in the Psycho's case, it actually managed to be a real donkey and a real pin. Speaking of the Psycho's live pincushions, anyone seen Tiny Gay Chris lately? The Retard babbles some excuses, but Piper's having none of it and, in the meantime, Lester the Possessor smears out. And he was able to do that because the Retard not only removed one of the Mystical Crysticals but she also TURNED HER BACK ON LESTER THE POSSESSOR! What an idiot. The Retard huffs over to the Book of Shadows, but Piper blocks her, which makes the Retard whine nasally that she can't wait until after the party to continue on her demonic rampage. Piper tells the Retard she's obsessed with revenge. Just like every single one of the sisters -- dead and alive -- has been at some point in this show. The Retard denies this and stomps hunchbackedly out of the attic. In her frustration, Piper lets the balloon raspberry out its air. A fitting response to anything the Retard says or does on this show.Piper dashes downstairs, but again loses control of her re-inflated balloon when she runs into Phoebe. If that balloon were red instead of blue, we could read some serious shit into it. Phoebe yodels and hands the completely deflated balloon back to the completely deflated Piper, who thinks she should just cancel the party because the gods and balloons are against her. Phoebe tries to soothe Piper with some of that hiddy baby talk that always makes me want to dig around in my ear canal with a rusty awl. Phoebe assures Piper that the Psycho needs the party for some semblance of normalcy. Piper knows, but thinks she's just forcing it on him, adding, "But I think there's something else, too -- something big, and I just wish I could talk to him before, you know, he turns the party guests into toads." I think the "something big" is that you have a three-year-old who has shown absolutely no signs of talking. It's like what they say about all serial killers: "He was quiet and he kept to himself." Phoebe offers that the Psycho might be willing to talk to her. "Okay, but you know, he is three," Piper reminds her. I think she's trying to subtly tell her sister that flashing her Cooter Tat or the Fun Bags isn't going to get her anywhere in this particular conversation. Luckily, for tonight's episode, both the Cooter Tat and the Fun Bags seem to have been put into storage. Phoebe's wearing a perfectly demure (for her) chocolate brown tank thing with gathered silver straps locking her dinners in place. Oddly, one side of the straps is decorated with trailing silver ribbons. It's Phoebe's festive tank. She's also wearing rust culottes with high-heeled boots -- another fashion I can't get behind since it reminds me of Dorothy Michael's fashion shoot montage.
Episode Report CardKeckler: C- | 481 USERS: B-
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