And so we reach the denouement about which I could not care less, despite the fact that Holly Marie Combs gets all misty-eyed and verklempt over Piper's loneliness and all of the heart-rending changes in her life as of late as Piper sends Phoebe on her selfish, hag-ass way to her new condominium with a care package of potion ingredients and "Book of Shadows Cliffs Notes" in anticipation of likely demon attacks, and the reason I could not care less is because Alyssa Milano is so goddamned affectless and unemotional that Phoebe comes across as an cold-hearted bitch about the whole thing. Stupid Phoebe ruins everything. Everything that the damn dirty Retard hasn't ruined first, of course. Phoebe at long last takes her leave, and the camera pulls slowly away from Piper's quiet weeping before finally fading to black.

Next week: Nothing! No new episodes until after the Super Bowl, in fact, but if you're a glutton for punishment, TNT is airing a Charmed marathon on the day of the game, starting with juicy Julie Cooper, continuing through four whole hours of Big Gay Chris, and ending it all with a slew of seventh-season episodes that nobody cares about. Have fun!