Charmed
Charmed

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Demian: C | 837 USERS: B-
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The Freaky Importance of Scrying Hard for the Power of Three Non-Blondes

When Piper shuts up long enough to hear the typing through the phone line, she snippily calls Phoebe on it, leading Phoebe to lie and lie and lie some more about how "bringing [the Doltsicle] home is the most important thing in the world" to her. "But," she adds, "it's not going to happen overnight." "It's also not going to happen if we don't try," Piper frosts, scoring an easy one off her self-centered and lazy hag of a sister. "But we have been trying," Phoebe protests, and no. No, you haven't, unless you consider whatever the fuck you did for La Famille Retard a couple of episodes ago or your attempt to bone the dead-eyed Psycho's G.I. Joke Live Doll last week or your foolish and ill-considered move out of the Manor "trying," which, you know, if you are, you should drop fucking dead right now, and I don't even know why I bother anymore. Anyway, the upshot of all this is that Piper finally gets Phoebe to agree to return to the Manor so they can follow up on this Zakal lead. Phoebe's also to pick up some mandrake root on her way home, which will become important later, and Phoebe also accuses Piper of "sabotaging" Phoebe's move from the Manor, which will never become important, ever, but I just thought I'd mention it because, you know, what with all the free-floating Retard hate around here lately, I thought it was important to remind everyone just how awful Phoebe truly is.

The gals eventually hang up on each other, and Phoebe hits the elevator bank to head down to the Grand Cherokee. She cheerily greets the gentleman occupying the just-arrived elevator car as she boards it, and it's Savard, and as soon as the doors close, he sweeps a hand behind her coif, sending Phoebe collapsing into an instant stupor upon the floor. At the last instant, though, he snatches at the collar of her jacket, in the process stripping it off her dropping body so he might pass it along to Phoenix, who squiggles into the car from points Not!warts to sneer, "I've always admired her sense of fashion," and I don't know if she's kidding with that or not, and I'm not entirely certain I care. Phoenix morphs into Phoebe form and dons Phoebe's jacket as Savard tells her, "The keys are in the pocket, and remember: Get the sisters to use the Power of Three as soon as possible, so we can see if this will work or not." "We have no idea what's going on in their lives right now," she reminds him. "Just wing it," he orders, "but don't get too eager, or you'll tip the sisters off." And with that, he kneels to wrap a paw around the real Phoebe's shoulder before squiggling away with her. And I guess I'll be referring to this other Feebs as Fauxbe for what has got to be the twenty-seventh time in the last six years, because "Phoenix" already contains the relevant elements of the two names that I'd...you know what? Fuck it. No one cares anymore, am I right? Fauxbe strides out of the elevator car and into the first commercial break.

Charmed

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