Charmed
Repo Manor

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The Freaky Importance of Scrying Hard for the Power of Three Non-Blondes

...the nonexistent attic, where Savard squiggles in, latches onto the Manor Dolthouse, and squiggles out with the thing just before Piper appears in the upper stairwell. She glances suspiciously around the room for a moment before noticing the Book missing from its stand. DUN! NOT! Because it's down on the dining room table where she left it! And this show sucks ass!

Whoops. I guess time moves differently at Not!warts, because even though that scene between The Dark Demonic Ps and Savard took no more than three minutes, after which he supposedly squiggled immediately to the Manor, it's now evidently an hour later in the real world, for Piper's had enough time to finish her round of Book abuse with the Feebs in the dining room and return the Book to the nonexistent attic, after which the Retarded Bimbo and her maggoty neck arrived at the Manor to swipe the Book from its stand without telling anyone to indulge in a little abuse of her own down in the Prue Halliwell Memorial Bimbo Boudoir Of Paisley Tit Slings And Other Fashion Atrocities, formerly occupied by Phoebe and currently occupied by the Retard. But I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself, here. So, the Retard's flipping through the Book searching for that symbol her milk carton of a ssssisssster drew oh, so many years ago when Piper hesitantly wanders in from the hallway to wonder what the hell Maggot Neck is doing in Phoebe's room. The lispy Retard hisses her way through an explanation I simply cannot bear to listen to one more time, so I'll be skipping ahead to where Piper far too politely inquires if she might borrow the Book of Shadows for a moment, at which point the Book dematerializes in a shrieking cloud of orbs, only to reappear...

...down on the sun porch, where Raige uses it to summon that stupid fucking Zombie Fairy Princess for the first phase of her relaxing day of personal gain. By the way, they're apparently recycling footage of notorious teenaged runaway Scout Taylor-Compton's previous appearances on this show, because she looks exactly as she did way back on October 19, 2000. Not that anyone really cares at this point, but I thought you should know. Anyway, long story short, Raige enlists the stupid fucking Zombie Fairy Princess's aid in returning to Henry everything he'd lost that day so he'll be in the best of all possible moods when she finally drops the bitchcraft bomb on his unsuspecting head that evening. The stupid fucking Zombie Fairy Princess gamely and wordlessly agrees before zipping on out of there, just as Piper descends the main staircase from the second floor. "[Raige]!" Piper chides, flailing her hands around in the air. "What are you doing?" "Just taking Phoebe's advice," Raige grins before scooting out of the frame in the direction of the kitchen. Piper huffs and puffs and slams the Book shut as the shot cuts to a...

...swooping aerial of the city that settles into a quick time-lapse of the clock on the Ferry Building shooting forward to four o'clock in the afternoon before whisking us over to Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World, where a delighted Hank is enumerating for Raige's benefit all of the many missing possessions he's suddenly found that day, including his keys, his wallet, the 49ers cap he lost in high school, and an old letterman's jacket. "Very subtle," Raige snarks at the unseen-but-presumed-to-be-present stupid fucking Zombie Fairy Princess. She then wonders if they're still on for dinner, leading darling Hank to tease with a twinkle in his eye, "What's so important that you can't tell me right now?" Raige flirtatiously insists he'll have to wait. Darling Hank, alas, has a stack of recommendation letters to write for a slew of parolees that afternoon, so he might still have to cancel on her. Writing doesn't come easily to him, you see, so he'll likely be tied up all evening. There's a joke about recapping Charmed in there somewhere, but I'm too fucking tired of this bullshit show to find it. "Though who knows?" Darling Henry mumbles. "Maybe I'll get inspired." Raige, snagging yet another crafty personal-gain-related idea from his final word, arches both one brow and one half of her moustache as she rises to her feet and smiles, "I think you should count on that!" Darling Hank allows a bit of a grin to tug at the right side of his mouth as Raige continues, "I'll see you at seven, Henry." His eyes follow her as she steps out into the hallway.

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Charmed

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