Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
702 USERS: C+
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Caged!

Up in the nonexistent attic, The Retarded Bimbo, bored, leafs through the Book Of Shadows while grinding her retard cooties into the upholstery of poor Aunt Pearl's much-abused sofa. They'll want to boil that after she's finally left the house. Raige powers purposefully through the nonexistent room and begins flinging ingredients into the copper potions pot atop the center table. The Retard leaps to her feet to annoy, but Raige shouts her down with a babbled non-explanation of what's going on before dropping the magazine photo of Maya into the pot, which emits the expected amount of sparks and smoke. Raige gingerly plucks the photo from the pot with a pair of tongs and vanishes to scry for the allegedly murderous fashion model.

There's an unfunny bit back in Piper's cell before the guard arrives to escort the alleged murderer to another unsupervised visit in the interrogation room. Idiot. Piper finds herself alone in the room with a gentleman of a certain age and quickly determines through the gentleman's hostile demeanor that he's not there to help. In the rather well-played scene between the two that follows, Piper, through a series of deceptively vague but carefully leading questions and statements, learns the following: Maya had been involved with this gentleman, whom we'll eventually learn is an assistant district attorney named Walter Nance. She threw him over for a photographer several years his junior, which so enraged Nance that he either had the photographer killed or killed the photographer himself -- that part's not terribly clear at the moment. What is clear is that Nance has age issues, which will become important later in the episode so, you know, write it down. Or something. Ahem. In any event, Nance framed Maya for the murder and now intends to prosecute the case, which...no. No. His boss would never allow it and, failing that, the judge would never allow it and, failing that, the appellate court would throw out any guilty verdict that arose from the trial because of the glaring conflict of interest on the prosecution's part, so shut the fuck up, Charmed. Sigh. And this scene was going so well. Anyway, Piper, smart cookie that she is when the typewriting crackmonkeys remember to write her that way, successfully bluffs herself through a threat to expose Nance despite the fact that she hasn't a shred of evidence against him, and promises, "I'll see you in court." Nance takes a long, menacing moment before leaning in and vowing, "It won't get that far, Maya." With that, he stalks silently from the room. Holly Marie Combs lets an expression of wary and somewhat disbelieving disgust flicker across her face before the shot cuts over to...

Charmed

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