Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 355 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Welcome To The Dolthouse

Nonexistent Attic. The Psycho nonchalantly flips a toy around on the carpet while Piper and the Dolt struggle and fail to capture his attention from within the dollhouse parlor. Piper even approaches the window in order to pound on it, but finds herself sparked back to the Dolt's side by some sort of "protective shield" the Psycho has erected. The two retreat into the miniature room for a processing summit, with the Dolt easing his grievously injured self onto the surprisingly comfortable sofa while Piper paces around near the hall. We learn that Grams constructed the dollhouse many, many years ago, before Piper knew she was a witch. "Obviously," Piper notes, eyeing her preternaturally realistic surroundings, "she used some kind of magic." "It's pretty perfect," she continues, crossing to the light switch on the wall, which she flicks up and down a couple of times to no effect. "Almost perfect," she amends as the Dolt hears noises outside. It's Raige, who's shocked and appalled to find the children alone in the nonexistent room with no sign of their parents elsewhere in the Manor. Piper jumps back over to the window in a futile attempt to alert Raige to her diminished presence, and even goes so far as to deploy the Hands. Unfortunately, the resulting explosion is both small enough not to be noticed from the outside and large enough to send Piper hurtling backwards through the air within to demolish some piece of dollhouse furniture with her derriere. Raige, meanwhile, has collected Tiny Gay Chris from the playpen and now squats down to place a hand on the Psycho's back before orbing both kids over to Not!warts. The glow from Raige's orb cloud illuminates Piper's dismayed face for a moment before fading away. Piper snorts something tart in her husband's direction before sagging dejectedly to the floor. I really hate to have to say this, Piper, but don't be bitching at the Dolt over this whole mess. You had the opportunity to bind that little psychotic freak's powers last year, and you refused to take it. Suck it up, Piper. Suck. It. Up.

Lair Of The Zankou. Craven and a fresh horde of underlings wander into the main chamber as Zankou meditates, focusing on the Manor far above. Presently, he opens his eyes to announce that the house is now most definitely unoccupied. "That's what you said the last time," Craven sneers, dipping a finger in the gash opened on his bicep by Piper's mighty Hands before sticking that same finger in his mouth. Ew! Guess that explains the teeth -- he's been snacking on the pus from his various suppurating wounds for too many years. "A slight miscalculation," Zankou retorts, entirely ignoring Craven's disgusting eating habits, "but the plan was to get them out of the Manor, and they are." "Probably circling their broomsticks at [Not!warts]," Zankou sneers dismissively -- more to himself than to the others present, incidentally -- before ordering Craven to follow him up to the Manor. Zankou instantly blazes out of the chamber to reappear just as swiftly in the main Manor hall. Craven soon enough flares in beside him, with the fresh horde of underlings bringing up the rear. Zankou tosses off a couple of additional directives while mounting the stairs to the second floor as Craven sets the underlings to finding the Nexus. So what do the henchdemons proceed to do? Root through the sofa cushions, of course. No, seriously. God, demons are dumb.

Charmed

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