Charmed
Scry Hard

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B
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Nonexistent Attic. Aftermath. Long story short, Zankou threatens to off Phoebe and Raige until they rather smugly note that he'll need the Power of Three to summon The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy successfully. For a moment, he thinks they're bluffing, but soon enough concedes their point over Craven's strenuous objections. Meanwhile, Piper and the Dolt engage in a heated exchange wherein Piper asserts that Zankou absorbing The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy will prove disastrous, while the Dolt assures her that The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy "won't know where to go." Some on the forums have raged about this, because it seems to imply that The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy is now just as neutral as the Nexus itself, despite earlier evidence that entity is, in fact, supremely evil. Point taken, but I think what the Dolt means is that, as Zankou and the Charmed Ones possess roughly equal amounts of power, The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy, in seeking to fuse itself with the strongest entity present, won't be able to make a choice. Works for me, anyway. Not that I particularly care one way or the other, mind you. Yawn. Zankou plucks tiny Piper from the box and, over her tinny little protests, threatens, "You try anything, and you will lose the love of your life." The lid of the box lowers ominously over the Dolt, plunging him into darkness.

Basement. The Glamorous Ladies lead the way down the stairs, quietly fretting about their current situation until Zankou, still holding the Dolt-In-A-Box, imperiously tosses them the summoning spell and orders them to recite it. The gals comply, and The New New And Improved Non-Dread Non-Woogy soon emerges from his ditch. Just as the Dolt promised, the Woogyman tendrilly wavers between Zankou and the Manor Morons for a very long while before quite unexpectedly plunging into Zankou's Dolt-In-A-Box. Well, quite unexpectedly if you hadn't read the production company's episode description on the WB's website, which totally spoiled this ending, like, thanks for nothing, dicksmacks. "[Dolt]?" Piper uneasily breathes just seconds before the Dolt-In-A-Box detonates, spewing out a near-black cloud that quickly coagulates into Dolt form, and oh, Lord. I can't look at this. They've shoved black contacts into Brian Krause's eyes for this possession sequence, but that's fine. What's unwatchable are -- as usual -- Krause's facial expressions, which not only make the baby Jesus cry, but also make the baby Jesus kick puppies and rip the wings off butterflies. Right now, he's tensed every muscle in his lower face and neck so that his crusty lips are pulled down at the corners in an unsightly grimace, and the tendons surrounding his windpipe are popping out through his wattle. It's...it's...it's just too much for one recapper to bear, frankly. God, this show SUCKS.

"What have you done?" Zankou cries. For his trouble, Zankou receives a blast of smoke from the Doogyman's right hand that hurls him backwards through the air to the basement wall, where Zankou howls and wails as the Doogyman mojo tries and fails to consume him. During all of this, two of the henchdemons fling their boomerangs at the Doogy, but some sort of force field erupts, and the boomerangs bounce harmlessly off the Doogyman's chest. The Doogy eventually flings Zankou to the side in favor of vanquishing the henchdemons with twin blasts of smoke as the Glamorous Ladies look on in what appears to be mounting horror. The Doogy turns once more to Zankou and blasts him backwards up the stairs into the kitchen. "So close!" Zankou seethes as he rises to his feet under Craven's disapproving scowl. "I told you we shouldn't have trusted them," Craven snots. Zankou replies by conjuring a flaming ball of death that immolates the insolent Craven the second it hits his chest. "Never tell me 'I told you so,'" Zankou sneers as Craven vanishes towards The Waste Land. Zankou himself then flames out of the Manor just as the Doogyman leaps the remaining stairs from the basement.

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Charmed

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