Charmed
She's A Man, Baby, A Man!

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She's A Man, Baby, A Man!

Mixer. A lubed-up Phoebe is all body language screaming "Yes! Yes! Yes!" on a couch with Non-Discriminating-TV-Owen. The poor victim of pheromones asks Pheebs if she wants to get out of there. She says that she can't. He asks why. She says it's hard to explain, and does that oh-so-energy-conserving hand-fanning gesture again. He gets up to fetch some punch. Phoebe has a hot flash showing the succubus stalking Non-Discriminating-TV-Owen at the mixer. For the radio listeners, Pheebs exclaims, "Oh no! She's here!" She goes to him and tells him to stay put, then runs to fill Piper in. Just then Deputy Horndog stops her and starts to harass her. Phoebe has another hot flash, showing more stalking by the succubus. Morris enters and tells Deputy Horndog to let Pheebs go. Phoebe spots PruePaul and tells him, "It's Owen! Take him out, fast!" Because PruePaul is a guy, he interprets this to mean he should punch my namesake out. Piper runs up to PruePaul and wails on him for his actions. Deputy Horndog tells PruePaul he's under arrest. PruePaul slugs the policeman, too. Morris arrests PruePaul and Deputy Horndog, for some reason, arrests Non-Discriminating-TV-Owen. Then it's the moment in the program where a Halliwell exclaims, "This is bad. This is really bad." This time it's Pheebs. Then she has another hot flash and sees the succubus stalking PruePaul now. She tells Piper.

So let's say Arsenio Hall's sitting on a couch in the middle of busy downtown traffic filming yet another one of those comic-on-the-skids-selling-collect-call-service ads and I just happen not to notice him and he gets fatally mushed under my front passenger side wheel. Would that technically be my fault? Would my auto insurance rates have to go up?

Police station. (Sign reading "POLICE," three squad cars parked out front along with two motorcycles, five officers leaving the building in full riot gear.) Night. I smell a "fan" motif, since we pan from yet another one to Daryl refusing the docile Ps' request for him to release PruePaul. They explain that PruePaul's the reason there hasn't been a testosterone-sucking victim that night. Daryl asks them if they want Non-Discriminating-TV-Owen released, too. Phoebe tells him to keep my namesake locked up and "safe." Morris agrees to their demands, but states his belief that "this is going to bite me in the ass. I know it is." Um, "going to"?

Halliwell Manor. The next day. PruePaul enters the parlor wearing a full tool belt. He complains that he's surprised that men get anything done, since they think about sex all the time. Then he opens a jar for Phoebe, who's greased up like a cake pan and sitting in an armchair. Pheebs says, "Tell me about it." She asks if he fixed the air conditioner. He did. Piper enters and tells PruePaul that she just got off the phone with Alan, who called to ask Prue for another date. PruePaul asked what she replied. Piper told Alan that Prue was a little "hormonal." At this point, I expect PruePaul to strip down to a wife-beater and go a bit "hormonal" on Piper, but it doesn't happen. Phoebe checks her temperature -- it's 102.5 degrees. Piper tells her once again to see a doctor. Pheebs says there's nothing to be done, since she's connected to the succubus and the witch wasn't able to kill the night before. Piper wonders what they should do. PruePaul tells them his plan. It turns out that the dating service contacted him because his tape "broke a house record." Uh huh, on the laugh-meter. So he set up dates with all the interested ladies at P3AD that night. Piper bitches that he didn't consult the other Ps first. (As if this is different from female Prue's behavior.) Then Piper bitches about PruePaul sucker-punching Non-Discriminating-TV-Owen. PruePaul explains he was just "acting like a man, acting on instinct." When he hit the other guys, he felt "powerful and strong, like somehow that made [him] a man." Piper glances out the parlor window again and tries to speak over my groans, explaining that "real men" are like Dan -- "honest, kind, good heart, willing to be late to work just to make you smile, not a bully who thinks one punch is going to change anything." Hey, can someone turn that hose that was mentioned earlier on Piper? Thanks. She storms off. PruePaul checks to see what's outside the window. Yep, it's Dan again, tuning up his SUV. Pheebs: "Nice body, great tan." The Laff Riot Riff strums again. PruePaul adds, "Awesome truck." Phoebe tells PruePaul that he's truly "becoming a man." Did I miss any of the female-chauvinist sexual stereotyping in that scene? My job was easy, since absolutely nothing could be considered subtext.

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Charmed

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