Tonight on Charmed: Prue is blinded by developing chemicals, and I'm blinded by something far more toxic. Guess who recovers first. Hint: it's not me.
P3 After Dark. Phoebe sits at the bar, and after checking her watch, asks barmaid Abbey to fetch the yuppie ("Sean") at the end of the bar another drink. "Okay," Abbey responds, "but that's over the club limit." Phoebe tells her not to worry; they'll call him a cab if necessary. As Abbey walks away, Piper approaches with "Prue still hasn't called?" Phoebe responds in the negative, and worries her little head over Sean, whom Prue apparently is standing up. Since the three Ps have returned from "Pilgrim time" last week, Phoebe expositions, Prue's been on a "demon bender" with little time for outside distractions like dates. Phoebe wonders how they should explain this to Sean, and Piper tells Abbey to make Sean's next drink a double. Piper moves to call Prue, and Phoebe boots the conversation firmly into the realm of "Too Much Information." "Is Leo keeping you warm?" she asks Piper. Apparently not. The Powers That Be even went so far as to orb Leo out twice while he and Piper were in the middle of some unspeakable sexual activity. Despite Leo's assertions to the contrary, Piper's convinced TPTB are leering at their every encounter, and as a result she can't "concentrate." Phoebe commiserates, noting that she hasn't gotten very far with Cole, and that if circumstances don't improve, she'll have to start "concentrating on [herself]." Honey, I really do not need the hint that you are the proud owner of a Hitachi Magic Wand, nor do I need a mental image of what you do with it, so let's change the topic of conversation. Right. Now.
Piper, on the bar's cordless, catches Prue on her cellular in the Halliwell SUV. Before Piper can let Prue know she's left Sean standing alone and forlorn at the bar, Prue launches into a rundown of her day's demon-related activities. Prue used the Internet to research Colonial Micah's family background, and came up with a history of last week's Virginia village that might help the Ps figure out the identity of the demon the Triad tossed back in time to hack away the root of their family tree. Neither Phoebe nor Piper cares. Piper gently reminds Prue of her abandoned date, and Prue tells her to "give him another drink." "If we give him another drink," Piper responds, "we're going to have to send him to an AA meeting." Piper then notes that Sean's been standing there drinking for the last hour, tucking into the bar's supply of honey roasted peanuts, then tells Prue to get her addlebrained ass to the club, pronto. Wait. Sean's been there for an hour, and if they give him another drink, he'll have to check himself into Hazelden? Even on my most determined Friday-night benders, I've never gotten past three beers and a shot in an hour, and aside from that last free double, he's been paying for the booze, right? Piper, if you want to be the Carry Nation of the Bay Area, you might want to look into a profession that doesn't involve serving alcohol to paying customers. Just sayin'.