Charmed
Sight Unseen

Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Stalker? I Don't Even Know Her.

Courthouse. TroxaCam as the invisible demon makes his way through the bustling hallway to Cole's office. Troxa lets himself in, checks out Cole who is idly staring out the window, then picks up a letter opener to hack up a little Belthazor ass. Is this the best he can do? A letter opener? Things keep looking up for the three Ps, I suppose. Cole spins around, brandishing a heretofore-concealed fire extinguisher, which he sets off in Troxa's direction. The CO2 reverses Troxa's invisibility, and he rematerializes, flailing. "I did some research, Troxa," Cole grins, then bops Troxa on the head with the canister, sending the demon flying backwards over the desk. "Found your Achilles heel," Cole smirks. Cold temperatures will always make Troxa reappear, but because the demon can't sense temperature changes, he never knows whether he's invisible or not. Swell power, buddy. Good thing for the Triad the Ps don't live in Minneapolis. Troxa promises he'll vanquish Cole after he's done with the sisters, then fades out as he stalks out the office door.

This next sequence threatens to tear apart whatever shreds of sanity I still possess, so be patient. First up, a bizarre and senseless scenelet of Prue at work. She's on a photo shoot with an Australian nature specialist and TV personality, whose Aussie accent is even less authentic than Julian McMahon's is when he's trying to pass Cole off as an American. This guy's on the level of an Outback Steakhouse voice-over. As Prue snaps off a few shots of the specialist, a black-clad figure hiding in the fake foliage takes photos of her. Guh? Prue quizzes the specialist on his snake trap as the Ninja Stalker snaps away. The final POV through the StalkerCam is a still of Prue's face, which dissolves into a crossfade to Abbey behind the bar at the P3. Phoebe bounces up, asking after Cole. Abbey hasn't seen him, but tells her Piper is in the office. Phoebe bounces away and oh, my sweet Jesus, I'm blind. An horrific shot of shirtless Leo shoving his tongue down a splayed Piper's throat. Phoebe bounds in to interrupt them, they pull apart as Phoebe yelps apologies, Piper snits about this latest round of coitus interruptus, and Leo grabs his shirt and orbs out. Oh God, why? Why? What did I do? Tell me now so I can promise never, ever to do it again. Leo. Shirtless. Tongues. Groping. Snake trap. Auugh.

Phoebe and Piper have a little scene where they bitch about not having sex, and Phoebe gives Piper her stalker list. I'd tell you more, but I've got to go scrub the upper two layers of skin off my body with a Brillo pad after that last scene. Holy Mary, Mother of God. Christ, I'm swallowing my tongue. Sorry, but I have to take a moment before I can go on with this.

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Charmed

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