Charmed
Sin Francisco

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
Sin Francisco

Wow. Has it really been a whole month since the last new episode? Good thing they decided to open this one with thirty seconds of footage of the Golden Gate Bridge, the Transamerica Pyramid, and the Coit Tower, because I'm way too stupid to remember that this show is set in San Francisco. Not. After the little travelogue ends, we cut to a shot of the Halliwell SUV pulling to the side of a road. Phoebe and Prue pop out, link arms, and head down the sidewalk. Prue tells Phoebe "it" should be nearby. Phoebe wonders if Prue couldn't be a little more precise regarding what "it" is. Prue replies that all she knows is that "it" is "some sort of evil-y thing." Phoebe whines that she should be back at the manor, avoiding the Ethics paper she has to finish before she can graduate. Prue tells her to can it; they're on a hunt for a demon in this particular neighborhood because Prue, while scrying, detected "unnatural activity" in the area. This little revelation stops Phoebe dead in her tracks. Prue is actively searching out evil? What about her pledge to try for a little more "balance" in her life? Prue weakly argues that she had a photo shoot and a date the day before, and now she's fighting dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell this morning. What could be more balanced than that? Phoebe's not buying it. Prue sighs, and awkwardly exposits that she no longer feels as needed by her sisters since Piper's wedding and Phoebe's renewed relationship with Cole. She doesn't have to "protect" Piper and Phoebe as much as she did in the past, so she's focusing her energies on innocents. Phoebe pooh-poohs this whole idea, telling Prue that she should take better advantage of this newfound freedom of hers. Prue smiles a bit and sighs again, then changes the subject by pointing out a random Dumpster in a nearby alleyway. "I think this is it," she notes as she heads over. "On the count of three: one, two…"

"Three!" Prue TKs the lid of the Dumpster open. Feebs squeals with delight at the sight of a box inside. "It's the coffee maker I wanted!" Prue more or less says, "It's an empty box, dumbass." Phoebe thanks Prue for "protecting [her] from making a fool out of [herself]." Prue grins and playfully replies while slinging an arm over Phoebe's shoulders, "That's a full-time job." The two head back out to the sidewalk for some more exposition. Cole's been dodging demonic bounty hunters as of late, but he still manages to squiggle into Phoebe's boudoir for a little of the in-and-out on occasion. This has led Phoebe to reevaluate the whole dating-a-demon situation a bit. She's wondering if the boy really is in love with her, or if he's just sampling her ample "charms." Prue reminds Phoebe she "knows for a magical fact" that Cole loves her. ("Primrose Empath," for those of you wondering what she's talking about.) Add that to how many times he's risked his life for hers, and it has to be "more than just sex." Feebs gives a hint of the Miss Phoebe If You're Nasty to come as she brightly asks, "Well, what if it's just really, really great sex?" Before Prue can whap Phoebe's head with her purse for me, they're interrupted by sounds of struggle from another nearby alleyway. They turn their heads in time to see a Flaming Ball Of Death scorch a wall. "Seek and ye shall find," Prue smirks, and they scamper off across the street together.

In the alley, a suit is arguing with his demonic dealer. "One more," the suit begs. "I just need one more." The Demonic Dealer pushes him away, telling the suit that "what [he] want[s] is no longer in this box." The Demonic Dealer wags a cheap-looking opaque plastic jewelry box in the suit's face. I should give the suit a proper name, I realize, but he's going to be dead in about forty seconds, so really, why bother? The near-dead suit pulls a little sissy hissy on the Demonic Dealer, demanding he get what he wants. Shut up and die already, princess. The Demonic Dealer sneers, "You can never get enough Greed, can you?" which makes absolutely no sense at all, even knowing beforehand that this episode is all about the Seven Deadly Sins. The Sin of Greed creates an inexhaustible and apparently maddening need for more Greed? What? Whatever. The Demonic Dealer flings a Flaming Ball Of You Will Move At Least Ten Feet Further From Me, which knocks the suit into a few garbage bins. Prue and Phoebe sneak up behind the Demonic Dealer, and Prue TKs him into some random packing crates. The cheap plastic jewelry box falls from his hand and skitters off to the side. The suit moves to snatch the cheap box away. Prue tosses a little TK at the box, sending it skittering across the street before the suit can lay a finger on it. The Demonic Dealer tries to rise to his feet but is stopped by a patented Phoebe "Hee-YA!" kick to his head. "The box belongs to Lukas!" he insists from a mound of trash. "Tell Lukas it's been impounded," she snippily replies. The Demonic Dealer vanishes in a wisp of grey smoke. Phoebe for some reason looks puzzled by this exit, perhaps because it had none of the style and panache she's grown accustomed to when demonic forces vanish on this show. Or maybe she's just stupid. Prue moves to the suit's side and attempts to calm him down. He insists, "I gotta have more," and dashes across the street to the apparently empty but still cheap jewelry box. It's cheap, people. Almost as cheap as what happens next. What follows is the worst "special"-"effects" bit I've seen on this show. Ever. As a painfully bad digital insert of the suit bends to retrieve the box, a speeding city bus plows into what should be his body, but so obviously is not. A small "pff-wap" hits the soundtrack. I rewound this bit twelve times and watched it over and over again, giggling all the while. It is so freaking awful, it's funny. Prue and Phoebe do not, unfortunately, share in my glee, but we cut to the credits before they can harsh on me.

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