Sleuthing With The Enemy

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
I want Cole in my stocking this year

Fade up on the manor kitchen, where the entire produce section of the local Treasure Island has been dumped all over the counter. Slow pan to Piper, who drops what looks like a squid tentacle into a pot of lavender liquid simmering on the stove. The liquid flames up, as Piper worries that even if the "vanquishing potion" ends up working, they still have to find Belthazor. Prue, clad in a leopard-print sheer strappy top that for some reason makes her breasts look huge, tells Piper she has a plan for that, but they must finish with the potion first. Cockleshells are next in the mix, despite the fact neither sister knows exactly what they are, which does make me wonder how they managed to obtain them in the first place. Banter over pig's feet, one of which when added causes the brew to flare up again. Prue announces that all they need is the slice of Belthazor flesh Piper cut from the demon in the last episode, and they're good to go. Prue calls for Phoebe, but Piper notes Phoebe might not be in a "vanquishing mood," as she hasn't heard from Cole in over a week. Prue makes dismissive noises, stating she never liked Cole, and her dislike for him goes beyond the fact he's "a greasy lawyer." "A greasy what?" Phoebe perks as she enters the kitchen, and Piper covers with "A greasy…layer on the potion." "Too much mandrake," Prue agrees. Whatever.

Phoebe announces she doesn't care, she just wants to deal with the Belthazor issue before Cole gets back. "And he will come back," she insists more to herself than anyone else, as Piper and Prue exchange Looks Of Concern. The three then recite a spell from the Book of Shadows. A spell that abuses semicolons, as you see below:

Spirits of air,
Forest and sea;
Set us of this
Demon free;
Beasts of hoof
And Beasts of shell,
Drive this evil
Back to hell!


Nothing happens. Why? Piper forgot the Belthazor pepperoni. She retrieves it from the refrigerator, where they've been storing it in a Tupperware container. Piper gingerly picks it out with a pair of salad tongs and flings it into the simmering liquid in the pot. The potion more or less explodes, hurling Piper backward onto the kitchen floor. Worried noises as Prue and Phoebe rush to her aid, and Piper makes an "attack of the killer pig's feet" unfunny. The camera zooms in on a close up of the Belthazor entry in the BoS, as we cut to a funeral in progress.

The attending minister reads the following from the thirty-seventh psalm: "Fret not thyself because of evil. Neither be envious of wrongdoers, for they shall soon be cut down like the grass and wither as the green herb." Get it? Good. As the minister continues on, we pan across the cemetery to a memorial carved in an angel's image. The injured Belthazor snipers down to the grass beneath the angel, panting through his prosthetic mouthgear. He heaves himself to his feet, leaving a bloodstain on the angel's base, and lurches towards a mausoleum with the word "MAUSOLEUM" in large black letters over the door. I understand the Mausoleums were rather prominent members of the San Francisco community back in the days of the Barbary Coast. In fact, I think one of the Mausoleums was a founding member of Bohemian Grove.

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