Charmed
Someone To Witch Over Me

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Big Chris To Watch Over Me

The closing travelogue commences under the wails of tonight's guest ovaries, whose first line is "I can't believe she bought it." I can't believe this episode isn't over yet. "How long do we have to watch her dumb it down?" the guest ovaries continue as we arrive at P3. Six years and counting, apparently. Thanks for reminding me, you talent-free shrikes. The ovaries finish their set to the appreciative howls of the thronging dot-bomb yuppies in attendance as the camera swings over to find Phoebe and Piper lounging on their sofa, rehashing the day's events without once wondering why the Dolt murmured Big Gay Chris's name during his first trance. Thoughtless bitches. They're presently joined by Raige, who informs them of the Avatars' reputation in the Underworld before an affable-looking and clean-shaven Dolt wanders over with a gin and tonic in his mitt. Raige bluntly demands to know if he's ever heard of the Avatars, and while the Dolt doesn't come right out and lie to her, he does artfully avoid answering her question, promising instead to "look into it." In the meantime, he proposes a toast "to new beginnings." The gals clink their bottles of Perrier against the Dolt's cocktail -- like, how many times to I have to remind these nimrods that toasting with water is bad luck? -- and as the Glamorous Ladies settle back in their seats, the camera pans in on the Dolt's shifty eyes and inscrutable smile before slowly fading to black.

Next week, there's some dumb movie about midgets. Then, on November 14, we get Kerr Smith in a fedora as Charmed attempts noir. It could be good. Then again, it'll probably suck. Have fun!

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Charmed

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