Charmed
Something Wicca This Way Goes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 3 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
And Something Bitchy This Way Goes

The opening travelogue swirls us around the nighttime city as a testicle of the old school groans out something unintelligible before we finally cross-fade back over to Prescott Street. Down in the basement, Justin Baldoni's biceps struggle mightily as he and a couple of henchdemons rip up the concrete to expose the Nexus. Yowza. Zankou skips down the stairs and eyes the henchdemons at work before striding over to his primary underling with, "How close are we?" "We'd be a lot closer if we could use our powers to open it," the primary underling snarls. Zankou reminds him that the Nexus would interpret such a display of force as a threat and destroy them all. Or maybe the dread Woogy would interpret such a display of force as a threat and destroy them all. I have no idea, as they've evidently chosen to fuck continuity right up the ass -- again, some more -- and we're now apparently to believe that the Nexus and the dread Woogy are pretty much the same damn thing, and I hate this show, and I want to die, and what fucking genius decided to renew this garbage for an eighth goddamned season? Huh? HUH? Let me know, so I can head to Los Angeles after this is all over and kill him. Bastard motherfucker. In any event, the primary underling wonders what Zankou's "first move" will be once he absorbs the dread Woogy. Zankou, a bit giddy at the prospect, hasn't a clue, frankly, though he does realize that possession of the Woogy will ensure him "full access to the Book of Shadows." "I'll have ultimate power!" he beams, before adding as a bit of an afterthought, "Hope I don't get bored." Heh. Justin Baldoni's impressive pectoral muscles interrupt Zankou's reverie to announce that they've managed to unearth the Nexus. Zankou orders the henchdemons to step back and crosses to loom over the pit, where he chants the following familiar incantation:

[From Birth Unto Death,
Give Me The Friggin' Woogy.
]

The Friggin' Woogy screams out of the hole in the floor, pushing its smoky tendril into Zankou's face for a moment before plowing into the demon's body through his eyes. Once the Friggin' Woogy's disappeared into Zankou's face, Zankou, his eyes now beetle-black, turns to the assembled underlings to announce, "It is done," in a heavily overprocessed tone of voice. The henchdemons immediately bow at the waist as the primary underling obsequiously inquires, "What are your orders?" Zankou opens his mouth to respond, but instead doubles over in something approaching agony and, clutching at his head, reels around to projectile vomit the Friggin' Woogy through his eyes and mouth back into the pit. I love it when attractive dark demonic forces sent from the flaming maw of Hell spew endless streams of bitter blackness from every hole in their heads on this show. It makes me feel like they understand my job. "What happened?" the primary underling wonders. "The sisters!" Zankou spits, a bit wobbly after basically horking his guts out all over the floor. "They cast it out of me with a spell!" "From [Not!warts]?" the primary underling squints. "Impossible!" "Nothing's impossible!" Zankou rages, pushing past the henchdemons to race up the stairs. "Where are you going?" the primary underling calls out. "To the Book of Shadows," Zankou shouts as he disappears into the kitchen, "to find a way to stop them!" The primary underling -- whom I'm just going to call "Moe" until told otherwise -- tosses a fearful glance in the Nexus's direction.

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Charmed

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