Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 366 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Soul Soporific

When the two fly out the portal's other side, they find themselves tumbling head over heels down the sharply sloped face of that massive rock formation in The Scoping Fjords Of Sandy Land, and it's long past time to retire Vasquez Rocks as a viable location for Hollywood film shoots. This is the third time I myself have recapped events happening on or around this stupid rock, and I'm sick of it. In any event, Big Gay Chris and the Dolt eventually roll to a dusty halt somewhere near the bottom and presently rise to their feet, wondering where the hell they are. Big Chris rants about not being able to control the portal thingy until a throaty off-screen roar drowns out his words. Big Chris and the Dolt take one look at the thing that's looming behind them and scamper back up the rock. The shot cuts to reveal a cheap-looking computer-generated Tyrannosaurus picking its way across the blasted landscape. Christ, this is dumb.

Back in San Francisco, Raige offers her condolences to Dead Larry's grieving widow. Said offering also involves Raige pumping The Widow Larry for information on her late husband's business practices, which I find rather rude. Rather than booting the impudent hag from her late husband's office, The Widow Larry confides that Dead Larry's knack for business was downright otherworldly. In fact, The Widow Larry on more than one occasion wondered if her husband weren't "clairvoyant." And the really odd thing, she further notes, is that up until a few years ago, Dead Larry was a miserable failure. Then, "all of a sudden, it was like he won the lottery." "Suddenly, he couldn't lose," she elaborates. "Every deal he made was golden." Success, however, did not bring Dead Larry happiness, for some reason that remains unfathomable to The Widow. One of Dead Larry's colleagues interrupts the backstory to announce that Dead Larry's brother is on the phone. The Widow Larry excuses herself and exits the episode for good just as Slampiece Buttfuck ambles over from the elevator. What's he doing there? We won't learn until his next scene, but I'm sure contrivance has something to do with it.

Charmed

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