All The News That's Fit To Fuck Me, and we're back in the middle of Pointless Subplot Number Two. Phoebe enters her office to find the Limbaugh clone lounging with his feet on her desk, and as he's not snorting powdered OxyContin off some hooker's ass, I'll be skimming through this scene. Elise has assigned the two to answer the same letter as a stunt to boost newsstand sales. Like the fortunes of this newspaper rise and fall on a fucking advice column. The Limbaugh clone annoys Phoebe, so she tosses a potion vial into his chest. The Limbaugh clone flares yellow and morphs into a turkey. Again. Somebody wake me up when this bullshit it over. In the meantime, I'll carry on, zombielike, with the recapping. Phoebe ponders something or other for a moment, then hurls another vial at the turkey, which flares yellow and morphs back into the Limbaugh clone. Phoebe then heaves a put-upon sigh and gets down to business. That's it. That's the scene.
P3. Pointless Subplot Number One. "Ryan," the first of Piper's dates, descends the stairs to greet her, and she drops the single-mom bomb by rolling Tiny Gay Chris out from behind the bar. Ryan's delighted to meet Tiny Chris, and instantly suggests they alter their lunch plans to include the kid. Piper's pleasantly surprised by his reaction, and crosses to her office to retrieve her purse as Ryan hoists Tiny Chris from his little walker-thingy to make googly noises at him. Ryan's soon silenced, though, when Tiny Chris -- who's facing away from the camera -- unleashes some sort of sparkly blue mojo from his face. Horrified, Ryan places Tiny Chris on the floor and flees. Piper returns in time to catch sight of Ryan's ass as it vanishes up the stairs and through the front door. Tiny Chris innocently toddles over to his unamused mom. Piper picks him up and gives him a wicked side-eye as we hear Ryan squealing away in his car.