Soul Survivor

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
Soul Soporific

P3. Tonight's guest alterna-testicles wail from the stage. Piper eyes them with something approaching contempt, but Phoebe, who's tarted herself up in a filmy periwinkle baby-doll top, jiggles around on her barstool with glee. After the song ends, the two chat about Raige's transgression, and agree that something must be done. Just what that something is, however, remains to be determined. Pointless Subplot Number Two wraps itself up when Phoebe reveals that she and the Limbaugh clone managed to finish their joint column. Pointless Subplot Number Three grinds to a close when the Dolt and Big Gay Chris appear at the bar with no explanation of how they made it back from the infamous Confederate siege of San Francisco. God, what a worthless episode this has been. Piper bails to get her some from Date Number Three, who better be at least as good-looking as that Brett boy was. Woof. Phoebe natters something unimportant to the Dolt and Big Chris before disappearing as well. Big Chris affably offers to buy the Dolt a beer. The Dolt snots something nasty about Big Chris being short on cash, and then proceeds to bum "two cold ones" from his ex-wife's bartender. Asshole.

Castle Montanague. Raige lights a candle and recites, "For [Dead] Larry: May your soul find freedom and peace." Raige thanks Slampiece Buttfuck for being there in her hour of need. He pshaws that he "just delivered a message." Raige smiles at him fondly. "Lucky I ran into you," she grins. "'Luck'?" Buttfuck repeats before disagreeing with her. "It was fate." I believe I was meant to react to that with something along the lines of, "Awww! Raige has restored Buttfuck's belief in destiny!" However, I was snoring like a banshee at this point, so no cuddly psychic interaction with the fictional characters for me this evening. Raige and Buttfuck slowly lean in towards each other and start macking as we fade to black.

Next week, Kink Arthur pops up in the Manor when Piper discovers she's his modern-day counterpart. Or something like that. All I know is, if she has a threeway with Samantha Mathis and Vaughn, I'm quitting.

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