Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | 442 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Chris Of The Spider Woman

Manor. Aftermath. Fidgeting. Nattering. Sniping. Eventually, Phoebe realizes that if Chris Of The Spider Woman can still orb, he can still be saved. Phoebe also realizes that Raige can make use of the shillelagh to summon Riley, who might be able to extract them from their current predicament. Just go with it. Raige calls for the stick with her orbing telekinesis and taps it on the floor a couple of times. Riley arrives on his rainbow and makes a few unfunny remarks before whipping out a magical trouser nugget that he sends in Raige's direction while intoning, " Sláinte is táinte." The golden mojo shimmers through Raige's body, and the webbing instantly dissolves, sending her crashing to the floor. You know, if I were Raige, I'd be kicking his dwarf ass right about now. Phoebe's positioned so she's standing on the foyer settee, and the Dolt's loafing around on the goddamned landing, but the little twerp pulls that crap on Raige, who's suspended five feet off the ground? Fuck. Him. The stupid leprechaun snickers derisively. Shut up, you tiny little asswipe.

The Lair Of The Spider Woman. Chris Of The Spider Woman suspends "Untitled in Fiberglass No. 3 (Piper Halliwell)" from the ceiling. The Spider Woman shimmies on over, thanks him for fetching her lunch, and shoves him across the chamber before plunging her Active-Length Press-On Nails into the priceless work of art. Again with the glowing and the head tossed back in ecstasy, only this time, Chris almost immediately drops to his knees in agony. "So divine," The Spider Woman sighs. "What's happening?" Chris gasps. "It's not just her magic I'm feeding on," The Spider Woman reminds my demonically infected yet shockingly pretty yet disappointingly dim husband. "It's her baby's, too. Yours." Now wait a minute. First she knows he's Piper's Whitelighter without ever having heard anyone mention that little fact, and now she knows he's her son? Whatever! WHATEVER!

Charmed

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