Manor sun porch. The Dolt scries for The Lair Of The Spider Woman using Rathmere's wand. "I don't understand why this isn't working," he glums. Because Rathmere's dead, you fucking moron. Phoebe ambles over, and the two dingbats chat about Big Gay Chris's daddy issues for a while until the stupid Dolt realizes he should have been scrying for the ex-wife all along. Or, you know, your younger son, you worthless twit. Phoebe passes him Piper's car keys, and the crystal almost instantly smacks down on the Presidio. Do I have time to rave about how stupid that is? I don't? Good, 'cause if I started ranting about how impossible it would have been to maintain a demonic lair on land that's functioned as a military base for two hundred and fifty years, my head would explode. ["Well, the base PX did have a bowling alley. I'll let you draw your own conclusions." -- Sars] And then there's the separate matter of those three dozen skeletal remains littering said impossible-to-maintain lair. If The Spider Woman emerges once every hundred years, they represent more than three and a half thousand years of fine dining. The fuck was she eating all the way back then? Sea lions? Christ, I hate this show. Phoebe bellows for Raige as she passes the Dolt a vanquishing vial. He agonizes over the fact that Piper didn't bless the stuff and how can they manage without the Power of Three and wah until Raige enters with her posse of Stoopid Magikal Kreatures.
Cut to a webbed-over cave opening that presumably leads into The Lair Of The Spider Woman. That's inconspicuous. Not. Stupid fucking show. The ogre bounces a boulder off the barrier a couple of times with no effect. "It's impenetrable," sighs the Dolt. "Maybe we could draw her out," Raige shrugs. "How are we gonna do that?" Phoebe wonders. "I could always just knock," offers the ogre, who proceeds to do just that. The ogre's pounding's soon shaking the entire cavern interior. "Dammit," mutters The Spider Woman. She picks her way over Chris Of Herself's prone form and heads over to the entryway. She materializes through the webbing without disturbing it, eyes the ogre towering above her, and deadpans, "You're pissing me off." Heh. Raige steps forward to confront her. "You think you can take me without your sister?" The Spider Woman pffts. "We'll just have to see," Raige shrugs before crying out, "Now!" The creepily undead fairy princess buzzes around The Spider Woman's head. The Spider Woman claws at the air for a bit before punching Raige in the face. Hee! Phoebe leaps forward to boot The Spider Woman in the stomach, propelling the demonette into the dirt. The assy nymrod materializes behind some bushes and hurls a vanquishing vial at The Spider Woman, but the latter morphs down to her CGI self, and the vial flies wide to explode harmlessly against some rocks. "Step on her!" Raige yells. The ogre complies, spraying the surrounding dirt with green Spider Woman guts. That's it? That's the vanquish? Lame. The webbing protecting the cave's entrance melts away. Raige volunteers to deliver the antidote to Big Infected Chris, but the Dolt insists it's his responsibility, and he heads inside.