a demonic foundry, where Hairball and Flunky wander through a crowd of WeHo leather queens until one of the lesser enforcers interrupts their reverie by tossing the captured Lead Dwarf onto a table. The Lead Dwarf fills them in on Piper's new Queen Arthur gig before slamming his fist into the lesser enforcer's balls and super-speeding away. You think I'm kidding with that, don't you? And you'd be wrong. The lesser enforcer doubles over, clutching his nads, as Hairball seethes with rage.
Castle Montanague. Slampiece Buttfuck opens a heavy door that swings on creaky, rusted hinges to reveal a dusty, cobwebbed storage room that houses his clan's more arcane potion ingredients. The various jars contain, in addition to your various roots and herbs, "creature parts" like "fairy wings" and "[Smurf] ears." Buttfuck explains his family had been "stockpiling" the various ingredients for generations, so he can't be certain of their precise provenance. For some reason, this arouses The Wrath Of The Feebs, and she gets outrageously pissy, like, open your freaking eyes, nimrod. His family just moved back east two weeks ago and it's obvious no one's been in this room for years, so why the hell are you busting on Buttfuck and his motives, you brainless wart? And why aren't you, Raige, calling her on this bullshit? You're yelling, sure, but it's all about Phoebe minding her own business when it should be about the fucking nimrod's complete misinterpretation of the physical evidence before her. Jesus, Raige, I thought you were smarter than that. ANY-way, Buttfuck, who'd exited to retrieve a mortar and pestle, finally returns, and, sensing the tension, asks, "Everything all right?" Phoebe has the gall to roll her eyes and turn away from him. Bitch. Raige glares at the Feebs and snarls, "Let's just get this over with, all right?" Yeah, you can start by clobbering your stupid fucking sister with the fucking pestle, hon. GOD!
Manor attic. More swordplay, conveyed through a series of close-ups and jump-cuts so we won't notice that Holly Marie Combs is not performing her own stunts. Piper eventually pins Morgaunt against an armoire. "You're a quick study," he compliments her. "You're a good teacher," she allows with a small smile. There's some more faux-mystical ranting from Morgaunt, and it becomes clear that Piper is -- wait for it -- losing her identity due to this evening's wacky hijinks. Hairball chooses this moment to squiggle into the attic with Flunky and a couple of bondage queens. "You!" Hairball sneers, giving Morgaunt the -- well, the hairy eyeball, actually. By the way, Hairball still hasn't blinked. It's unnatural, I'm telling you. "Take him!" Morgaunt orders Piper, so her stunt double flies into action. Tussling. Clanking. Morgaunt somersaults over to his discarded weapon just as the Bondage Queens charge, and we