Sword And The City

Episode Report Card
Demian: B | Grade It Now!
The Madness Of Tiny Gay Chris

"You vanquished my knights," Piper shrieks. "Why?" By way of response, Morgaunt wiggles his fingers around, and Excalibur tears itself out of Piper's grip and drifts across the room to settle in his. "[I'm] fulfilling my centuries-old quest to control Excalibur," Morgaunt calmly explains. "But it belongs to me," Piper protests, still clueless. "No," he corrects her, rising, "it never did, but thanks to you and the combined powers of your knights, it now belongs to me -- The Ultimate Power. All that remains to do," he exposits, "is to eliminate the true recipient of Excalibur before he grows old enough to fulfill his destiny as the son of a Charmed One." "You can't hurt him," Piper insists, backing away from Morgaunt and beginning to freak. "He's protected." "I couldn't before, but I can with this," Morgaunt counters, and he runs Piper through with the blade. Piper gasps in shock as the camera pans to take in the bloody expanse of metal protruding from her back. Morgaunt rips the sword back out of her body, and rises to smirk his way into the final commercial break.

Sun porch. Raige reclines on the wicker love seat, massaging her pained temples and groaning while Phoebe scries once more for Piper. "I am getting tired of this whole soul-separating-from-my-body thing," she grumps, rising to a sitting position. "It's getting to be a disturbing pattern." The Dolt opines the gals were lucky he arrived when he did, as their "souls were getting ready to move on." "Move on to where, exactly?" Raige teases with a grin. "Nice try," he returns with a smile of his own. The three bang their heads together and quickly realize the best way to divest Piper of her Arthurian fantasy is to present her with the sword's true recipient. But just who could that recipient be? Hmmm. Oh, what's that? Tiny Gay Chris has something unintelligible to add to the conversation by loudly mewling from the depths of his product-placed playpen? Raige is the first to realize that Tiny Chris is actually Prince Arthur, and Phoebe quickly agrees. Unfortunately, Brian Krause decides to unleash The Constipated Chimpanzee Face Of Unbearable Anguish And Torment at this moment, so we must watch as the Dolt doubles over in empathic pain the instant he senses Piper elsewhere in the city. Meanwhile, Phoebe's scrying crystal slams down on Harding Park, which, I've learned in the two days it took me to finish this, is actually next to Lake Merced, a bit down the Pacific coast from the city center. The Dolt orbs out with the Feebs while Raige hangs back to wrangle Tiny Chris from his pen.

Over in the park, Piper slowly expires on the grass as Morgaunt, hovering above, taunts her. The second the Dolt orbs in with Phoebe, Morgaunt swirls away to inflict some grievous bodily injury upon Tiny Gay Chris. The Dolt scampers over to the ex-wife and applies the tingly touch. She heals so suddenly and completely that her head snaps off the ground. "Where's [Tiny Chris]?" she demands.

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