Sympathy For The Demon

Episode Report Card
Demian: C | Grade It Now!
Sympathy For The Literary Convention

Casa Del Cole. Romanot perches at Cole's baby grand, pounding out the opening bars of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony while idly noting that someone redecorated the Underworld while he was in Purgatory. Shut it, jackass. Barbas vows to fry the Glamorous Ladies' collective ass with his new powers as payback for the two times they banished him to Purgatory. Romanot suggests that Barbas set aside vengeance for the moment to consolidate his power in the Underworld. Barbas threatens the insubordinate Romanot with a Flaming Ball Of Death for a moment, then concedes Romanot's point. He orders Romanot to "summon the leaders." I, meanwhile, have lapsed into a coma and drooled all over my laptop, gumming up the space key in the process. What's that? How could I drop into a coma and still tap out a summary of this dreadfully boring and pointless scene? Wicked Recapping Mojo, people. Everyone in the secret cabal at TWoP Towers gets a dose once we've signed our contracts. In blood.

Manor. There's more unnecessarily cruel sniping at Raige from Piper and Phoebe as the gals plus Cole and the Dolt research Barbas vanquishes in various books. Phoebe even has the gall to chide Raige for dragging her away from her date with Gonzo. Because canoodling with the chinless wonder over at P3 is so much more important than, say, ridding the world of evil as dictated by your destiny, right? Sow. Cole eventually grinds his teeth together and orders Phoebe to back the hell off. Raige, after all, "had good intentions," and "that's gotta count for something." For some reason, the Ps are struck dumb by Cole's entirely reasonable outburst. The Dolt blithers some saccharine nonsense about Cole's sentiment coming from his heart now that he's no longer evil. Raige has the stunning realization that since Cole is no longer evil, he's now an innocent they must protect from harm. Phoebe latches onto this reasoning and wields it as an excuse to order the Dolt to orb away from the Manor with her ex-husband. Cole heaves a beleaguered sigh as the Dolt and the Dolt's beer gut rise from their chair. The Dolt and his trusty beer gut take Cole's hand and orb out. Wave goodbye, kids, because you won't be seeing either of them again until the very end of the episode. Oops. Spoiler!

After the boys have left, Piper proposes that the Glamorous Ladies lure Barbas into the Manor and employ the Mystical Crysticals Of Demonic Entrapment on him as they did on The Source. Phoebe immediately agrees, and offers to use the "Astral Projection Spell" to determine Barbas's whereabouts. Once she's found him, she'll annoy him until he follows her to the attic for the vanquish. Excuse me? The "Astral Projection Spell"? Where the hell did this come from? No! Don't tell me! Let me guess: Alyssa wasn't satisfied simply booting Shannen from the show, so she's now insisting the writers concoct ways for her character to duplicate Shannen's character's powers. Am I right? Huh? And you hacks bothered replacing Shannen Doherty with Rose McGowan...why, exactly? That one you can answer at your leisure, guys. During all of this, Raige repeatedly offers her assistance, only to be shot down by a series of withering glares from the Feebs. Piper eventually reveals that Phoebe's the best person to confront Barbas, as she conquered her deepest fear during his last visit. Raige wonders what the conquered fear involved. "Losing my sister," Phoebe peeves. I think my deepest fear is being crushed beneath a giant anvil for all eternity with my cigarettes just out of reach. Oh, wait. That actually happened! Just now, in fact! Funny how those things work.

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