Foyer. The Ps open the door and Jack is standing there, making the exit impassable with his immense beaver teeth and lame attempts at one-upmanship with Prue. Jack says he found the manor by following Prue's [air-quote] scent, and blathers about her expensive perfume. He adds that "the [ahem] wand is mine and you know it." Before Prue can emasculate him further, Dan appears behind Jack. Leo enters the foyer to join the melee. Phoebe decides to move things along by dismissing all the Y-chromosomes and leading the hard Ps out through the back door. Dan to Leo: "Don't you have some other house to repair?" Leo: "No." Zing!
Shazaam! State Park. Tuatha's -- Cough, Cough -- Cave. Prue grabs a long -- titter, titter -- flashlight and enters first. Fake bats fly at her. She sees the skeleton. R.L. Stine prepares to sue. Prue finds Josh's be-ribboned heart on a stone slab. Tuatha appears behind her and thanks Prue for not making her wait too long. She continues to slam Prue by calling her a "predictable neophyte." Prue tries to throw 'tude at Tuatha, but she's impotent. Tuatha says that she removed Prue's power, and she bets Prue "didn't count on that." The docile Ps enter. Prue bets Tuatha didn't count on her having two sister witches. Tuatha reaches into her -- cough, cough -- purse and throws powder on the docile Ps, flinging them backward through the air. Tuatha says she'll be "ready for them next time," takes a powder and disappears. Phoebe thinks this is "cool." The hard Ps give her "spin off and find your birth parents" looks.
Nike's Y2K spot? Hot! McDonald's Fry2K spot? Not!
Halliwell Manor. Night. Johnny Wand holds the -- ahem -- power rod erect (snort) above his head. Leo shouts out: "Both hands! You have to use both hands!" I keep waiting for Dan to peer in the window and come to an American Beauty-ish misinterpretation of this scene, but to no avail. JW whines that he didn't have to use "both hands" to make the -- ahem -- wand work before. Leo says that both hands will be required to take on Tuatha; he mustn't let that woman get her hands on his -- ahem -- wand. Leo and JW hold the wand together. Leo, up for a little role-playing, demands: "Just do what I say. Pretend that I'm evil. Will me away." JW holds the -- ahem -- wand in front of Leo. Kung Fu-ish flute music starts. The -- ahem -- wand doesn't work. JW lets it droop (kaff, kaff) and whines some more for Leo to "give it up, Obi Wan." Leo hands him the same old "believe in yourself" speech from before, this time using footage from the second unit. It doesn't work. Having seen the same movies I have, Leo then uses the light-a-fuse ruse: "If you believe in yourself, maybe you'll figure out what you're really angry about." As I float the theory that what Johnny Wand is angry about is what Stephen on Real World Seattle was angry about, JW gets his bitch on: "Screw you!" Leo: "That's right, get pissed at me!" JW thrusts his -- ahem -- rod at Leo and its glowing -- titter, titter -- tip shoots out at Leo, propelling him backward through the stained glass window. JW's eyes bug out and he calls out for his -- ahem -- wand-using master. Leo orbs up behind Johnny Wand and whispers in his ear, "Not bad." I un-clutch my pearls and go to the kitchen to fetch some ice.