That Old Black Magic

Episode Report Card
Owen: D | Grade It Now!
That Old Black Magic

Halliwell Manor. Attic. The Ps find a "scrying" spell which will allow them to find something that's lost. I throw out some suggestions: Continuity? Sharp, witty dialogue? A suspenseful, original plot? Nope, they will use a crystal on a string to try to locate the -- cough, cough -- cave on a road map.

Shazaam! State Park. Brace yourselves. A "Josh" manque is walking through a field in the daylight, talking to himself while holding a video camera on the trail. Suddenly Tuatha appears on the video footage. She asks him if he's lost. He says that he and a couple of friends are making a documentary on the Blair Witch. WHATEVER! And OUCH! This is an all-time low for this show's writers -- at least dropping an anvil (tm Sars) on the viewer's head requires a bit of effort; this sad little non-satire is the equivalent of holding the anvil still and expecting the viewer to run into it head first. Anyway, Tuatha takes a pinch of powder out of her -- cough, cough -- purse and sprinkles it on Josh's chest. Then she reaches in and takes out his beating heart: "From the bottom of [her] heart, she thanks [him] for [his]." The video footage shows her strutting away. WAIT! Come scoop out Owen's brain while you're at it! It obviously won't be needed tonight!

Halliwell Manor. Attic. Phoebe's crystal on a string (what did Freud say that symbolized?) stops above some caverns marked on the map. The Ps get into gear.

Sunroom. Johnny Wand is holding his -- ahem -- wand in front of his face, desperately trying to make it move around again. Leo takes the -- ahem -- wand from him and holds it, er, upright in front of JW. He says that JW "willed" the rod to work before, because he wanted "to impress" Jenny. JW whines some more about how illogical it is that he was chosen "of all people." Please direct those comments to the casting director. Leo tells JW to assume the position and butters him up with the standard "believe in yourself" spiel. The Ps interrupt them. Since they're going hiking, Piper's put on a black sweatshirt over her all-black t-shirt and jeans ensemble, which seems sensible until she finds herself in the rifle sights of the deer hunters; Phoebe's changed into an oh-so-three-months-ago tech vest so she now looks like five different kinds of fashion victim; and Prue's put on a loose-weave white designer turtleneck that would get laughed out of the L.L. Bean catalog. They tell Leo that they're going to pay Tuatha "a little visit." Leo tries to convince them to stay. Piper replies, "It's not personal, just business," pivots that huge chip on her shoulder around, and heads to the foyer, hoping it'll fit out the doorway.

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