Charmed
The Bare Witch Project

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 1 USERS: F
YOU GRADE IT
Hag On A Nag

Jail. "Every peep out of you adds an extra flogging to your sentence," a Nazi-esque Cop With A SAG Card warns them as he slams the cell door shut. He disappears as stupid Phoebe wonders "what flogging is, exactly." Berkeley-educated Raige hasn't a clue. God, I hate this show, and every single stupid fucking person on it. Piper doesn't care about any of this because her tits are about to explode, so they need to haul milk out of there, pronto, before Tiny Gay Chris loses his only apparent source of sustenance. Raige rather fortuitously realizes that if they pull Godiva and Hoover once more from the history book and vanquish Hoover in the present, they'll be able to send Godiva back alone, and everything should correct itself. Piper summons the Dolt, who arrives in a suit and wonders what the fuck the gals are wearing. I've been wondering the same thing for the last six years, Dolt. Piper gives him the skinny on the situation, and then Raige, for some asinine reason, "realizes" that they need Douchebag Duncan to conjure Godiva and Hoover. No, you don't, because you can do it yourself, because the Power of Three is the most superwonderful magic that ever existed, but apparently we have to justify Not!warts's existence with some idiotic and contrived World Where Magic Is Repressed bullshit, so here we go.

The Dolt orbs Raige to a filthy alleyway, and I already saw this scene in "Morality Bites," so let's cut to the chase: Raige and her Moustache and her NIPPLES find Douchebag Duncan hidden amongst the trash and the angst and convince him to help her. Next!

Not!warts. The Dolt lights some candles as Phoebe notes the absence of Joan of Arc and Catherine the Great in the history book, and I don't even have the strength to make a tasteless joke about Catherine's high horse at this point. Raige orbs in with Douchebag Duncan's spell on a slip of paper, proving to all who were still in doubt that that last scene really was pointless, because they could just as easily have scribbled a few indifferently rhymed couplets themselves. Glaaah. Anyway, the history book still contains an entry for Lady Godiva, so they're good to go. Well, except for one thing: Before they pull Lord Hoover out of the book to vanquish him, they must ensure that they're not possessed of "buried resentments that a hungry demon could feed off of," as Piper puts it. Phoebe's fine as long as Sparklies isn't in the room, and Piper claims she's cool as well, as she tends to inform those present immediately when she's pissed off. Raige, however, admits to lingering resentments over being the youngest sister. "You want to be the oldest sister?" Piper snorts. "Get over it." "Okay, I'm over it!" Raige cheerfully replies before unfolding the Douchebag's spell, which she reads alone:

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Charmed

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