Charmed
The Fifth Halliwheel

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Five More Reasons To Hate The Dolt

A jarring sequence of thirteen jump cuts of the Golden Gate Bridge, the downtown business district, the Transamerica Pyramid, and the city waterfront eventually lands us in a lingerie shop. I suppose that should read "an 'upscale' lingerie shop," for every piece of merchandise is on a padded hanger. Phoebe emerges from the dressing room in a floor-length lavender satin chemise and models the garment for Piper. The Fun Bags, meanwhile, are doing their best to emerge from the chemise's flimsy lace cups. "What do you think?" Phoebe asks. A nearby gentleman of the heterosexual persuasion whoas briefly at the sight before his girlfriend beats him with a chiffon teddy and drags him out into the street by his ear. Piper thinks the message Phoebe's chemise sends is, "I'm going to wear this one night and spend the next six months paying it off." Phoebe huffs her way back to the dressing room in a snit. "I hate it when you're right," she pouts. Piper notes that with The Sole now pulling down some major cash, Phoebe really can buy whatever she wants. This sends Phoebe into a frenzy about how she refuses to rely on a man for her upkeep and how she has a college degree and should be able to support herself and what she really needs is a job of her own and blah, like she hasn't been freeloading off Piper, Raige, and The Late Lamented for the past three and a half years. Piper makes with the "being a Charmed One could be considered a full-time job" nonsense, but Phoebe's having none of it. She wants to use her "skills" to help people "in a non-magical way."

Just then, the blare of car horns and squealing tires invades the shop from the intersection outside. Piper and Phoebe turn in time to catch sight of Molly Hagan weakly dodging traffic in the street. Some of you might remember Molly from Herman's Head. For those of you who successfully soaked your brains in lye to rid yourselves of the memory of that show, you might know her from Election. As you can see, I remember her from both. Lye isn't all it's cracked up to be. ["I, meanwhile, remember her from Some Kind of Wonderful, so -- yeah, no kidding." -- Sars] "Speaking of helping people," Piper begins, and the two hustle out to the sidewalk. They arrive as a taxi threatens to flatten Molly into the asphalt. Piper freezes the entire block -- which also contains about a dozen people waiting to board a city bus -- which allows Phoebe to dash into the street and knock Molly onto her ass out of harm's way. Piper unfreezes the scene and joins Phoebe at Molly's side after the taxi safely skids past. The gals pick Molly up from the pavement and loudly praise the taxi's brakes for the benefit of the bystanders, who natter animatedly amongst themselves. Molly, distracted, mutters something about meeting a deadline and getting to work. Phoebe takes her arm and is flung into a vision. Molly, striding through a darkened alleyway. A corporate Nazi, pursued by forces unseen. The corporate Nazi flings a glowing orb into Molly's back and disappears. Molly slams against a wall and shudders. "Phoebe?" Piper breathes. "Innocent," Phoebe replies, indicating Molly. "Of course," Piper grits, and takes Molly's other arm to lead her out of the frame.

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Charmed

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