The Fourth Sister

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
The Transspecies Bisexual Menace

I'd normally pitch a fit at this juncture, what with the offensive implication that as a result of parental neglect, Aviva has fallen into the destructive and toxic Goth lifestyle and -- by extension -- paganism and bisexuality, but you know what? I feel like I've been there and done that already to a certain extent, and besides, you won't be catching me chanting "Free the West Memphis Three" in the middle of Logan Airport anytime soon, so whatever. I suppose the difference between maligned, disenfranchised Goth princesses and maligned, disenfranchised gay vampires is great enough to warrant separate attacks on each episode's offensive assumptions, but the ultimate sentiment is much the same: Aaron Spelling should be shot in the head. Fucker.


ANYway, Prue answers the door to find Andy, sweet sweet Andy, standing on the porch with a bottle of Chianti. Phoebe barrels down the stairs behind them, followed closely by Aviva. Phoebe bleats "I'm so sorry" over and over again. Andy takes one look at the Feebs and guesses that his date with Prue has been postponed yet again. Prue sighs mightily and begs him to understand that she has no control over the situation. She promises to explain everything to him the following afternoon at [72virg=ins]. Andy shakes his head in disappointment, but agrees to meet Prue for lunch.

After he's gone, Prue whirls around, ready to rip Phoebe's arm from its socket and beat her to death with her own elbow. Phoebe insists that Prue should give Aviva a chance, but Prue's having none of it. Aviva blows through the front hall to throw some more attitude at Prue before heading out the front door. Prue really needs to TK the little bitch under a bus.

House Of Aviva. "If it weren't for Prue, Phoebe would be with us now," Kali chimes. The snotty little nose-picking miscarriage brats, "I hate her and I wish she were dead!" I'm not even going to bother with the requisite Prue-as-corpse joke, because I just want someone -- anyone -- to beat this wench to a bloody pulp before I put my foot through the goddamn TV. Aunt Jackie tears into the bedroom, furious that her sniveling git of a charge skipped school that day. She spots the candles on the floor and screams, "What's going on in here?" Aviva howls and Kali shrieks and a candle flares and Aunt Jackie's skirt catches on it to erupt into flame and now she's howling and shrieking and batting at her skirt and Aviva wails and Aunt Jackie backs out of the bedroom to fall down the stairs and Aviva emerges onto the landing to scream and howl and shriek and wail and finally we cut blissfully away from this aural nightmare to commercial. WHY do they SCREAM so damn much in these early episodes?

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