The Fourth Sister

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
The Transspecies Bisexual Menace

Up in Prue's bedroom, Aviva crouches on the carpet, flame-throwing hand at the ready. Phoebe slams into the room with Aviva's jacket held up as a shield before her body. Aviva's fireball scorches the jacket instead of Phoebe's dim little head. Phoebe stomps the flaming rag out on the floor as Aviva tries to apologize. Phoebe shoots metaphoric death rays from her eyes, and Aviva scampers from the bedroom with her tail between her legs. Um, the tail's metaphoric, as well. Just in case you were unclear about that. Phoebe clenches her jaw and stares out into the commercial break.

Manor. Aftermath. Piper fetches an ice pack from the freezer for the first-degree burn on Phoebe's forearm. Insert your own "gee, I sure hope the hair doesn't grow back in all patchy or anything" snideness here. Piper and Prue offer to take Phoebe to the hospital, but she insists she's fine. The Dolt wonders how it all happened. Phoebe lies to him, claiming that Aviva had a candle lit and the jacket must have gotten too close to the flame. The gals send the Dolt on his way; then Prue asks, "Okay, what really happened up there?" Phoebe fills them in on the details, then apologizes for not heeding Prue's numerous warnings regarding their demonic houseguest. Prue accepts the apology, but corrects Phoebe on one point -- Aviva's not evil, but she is being used by an evil entity. No, Prue. Aviva is evil, and must be destroyed. Trust me on this one. I'll be happy you did. The Ps head up to the attic to abuse the Book of Shadows.

House Of Aviva. The sniveling, snot-nosed, morose, mopey, misbegotten, bisexual miscarriage shoves clothing into an overnight bag. Kali flares into the mirror, demanding an explanation. Aviva squeals that she doesn't want to be a witch anymore, and there's nothing Kali can do about it! Kali allows a sickly-sweet smile to settle on her face, and asks for a goodbye touch from Aviva. "Don't worry," she soothes. "I'm not angry. Just touch the mirror." The sniveling, snot-nosed, morose, mopey, misbegotten, bisexual fool of a miscarriage does so, and of course, Kali streams out of the mirror to possess Aviva's body. The camera pulls close to Kaviva's face so that we can all appreciate the demonic colored contacts they've jammed into the actress's skull. By the way, the contact in her left eye is slightly off-center, so we're dealing with a wall-eyed bisexual nose-picking demonette here. Freaky.

Attic. The entry for Kali defines her as "an evil sorceress cursed into her own dimension. She appears in reflections and has the power to possess innocents, and uses them as pawns to steal a witch's power." The vanquish is relatively simple -- all they need do is trap Kali in a mirror, and then shatter the reflection. Kaviva bangs open the attic door at this moment to sneer, "Hello, Phoebe! How's the arm?" Kaviva then hurls a fireball at the three Ps. Prue shoves Phoebe and Piper in one direction before throwing herself in the other. An ancient floral-patterned hatbox blazes its merry way down to Hell. Aviva regains control of her body long enough to call for help; then Kali snaps back into place. Kaviva unleashes a clot of flame towards Phoebe's head. Phoebe ducks. That antique dress form in the corner? Vanquished. "My power is greater than yours, Prue," Kaviva avers. "It's only a matter of time!" A single, lonely synapse fires in the dark recesses of Phoebe's brain. "Time! That's it! Freeze her, Piper!" Piper frets that Aviva's immune to the gals' powers. Phoebe counters that Aviva might be immune, but Kali certainly won't be. Piper desperately flings out her hands. Aviva biffs face-first into the floorboards. I'll count that towards the smackdown she so richly deserves for her behavior in the last hour. Kali, meanwhile, hangs in the air with her arms outstretched, frozen just as Phoebe promised. Prue squints, TKing Kali into one of Grams's priceless antique mirrors up there in the attic. Phoebe grabs a long-handled fireplace dustpan and hacks at the glass. The mirror explodes outwards as Kali howls her way to Hell. Ahem. I mean, "The Waste Land." Hey, I wonder what that skinny little sandworm is going to do with the hatbox?

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