The Fourth Sister

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | 1 USERS: B-
The Transspecies Bisexual Menace

Prue pedebitches into the kitchen, trailed by the tramp. Ever the multi-tasker, Prue fetches a couple of cups of coffee while calling Phoebe onto the carpet for whoring in on the object of Piper's affection. "I think Piper really likes [the Dolt]," Prue emphasizes. "Point being?" Phoebe all-too-innocently asks. Prue rolls her eyes slightly and dismissively intones, "Never mind. Classic Phoebe." The tramp takes umbrage at Prue's implication. "Okay, look, Prue: I think we need to put some major closure on this, or we'll be in rocking chairs slurping oatmeal out of rubber spoons, and I'm still gonna hear about Roger." Well, no. You don't need closure and you won't be in rocking chairs together, for reasons of which we are all well aware. Prue simply smirks, waiting for Phoebe to draw out enough rope to hang herself. "Piper!" blurts Phoebe as the sister in question enters the room. "Am I a boyfriend thief?" Wrong person to ask. Piper takes a moment to stare at Phoebe, then deadpans, "Totally." Phoebe's outraged. "Besides Roger," Phoebe prompts her, before adding, "Whom again, Prue, I never touched." Piper immediately reminds Phoebe of a certain Billy Wilson, whom Phoebe kissed at Homecoming in the eighth grade. Phoebe strenuously denies this accusation as Prue purses her lips, arches an amused brow, and darts her eyes back and forth between the combatants as if following a particularly bitchy tennis match. "I was just trying to help him find a contact lens!" Phoebe howls. "Oh, please!" Piper snarls, losing a bit of her composure. "You were all over him with your breasts all..." Piper inserts appropriate titties-popping-out-everywhere hand gestures. Heh. "I didn't even have breasts back then!" Phoebe shrieks. Piper coolly cuts through the crap: "Phoebe. You always had breasts." Prue finally breaks in with a wide grin on her face to remind the two that she'll be needing the Manor to herself that evening, as she intends to entertain her good detective and would appreciate the privacy. Prue then takes leave of her sisters and heads off to work. Piper and Phoebe hiss and scratch at each other for a bit before agreeing that the Dolt dibs shall go to the Glamorous Lady who manages to land him first. Nice scene.

House Of Aviva. The mopey nose-picker in question sprawls on her bed, sullenly scribbling into her diary. "Aunt Jackie" bangs on the door for a bit before barging in, and look! It's Phoebe's new boss Elise! I apologize for sending you to that particular page, what with the horrific unpleasantness it details, though you must admit there is a bit of the lovely symmetry thing involved, no? It all starts out right here in this episode with an innocent danish and glass of milk, and ends up over there on the floor of P3 with the Dolt shoving a beer bottle into Piper's cooter.

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