Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 576 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
The Importance Of Being A Deranged Serial Killer

The Clink. We hear Darryl furiously manufacturing excuses for Raige's likely absence just as Raige orbs in beneath the blanket on her cot. "Hey guys," she perks brightly as she rises from the bed. "What took you so long?" The guard opens her door with much jangling of keys, and Raige sails blithely past a gobsmacked Darryl. Dorian Gregory makes a series of hysterically sheepish faces before trailing after her.

Casa Del Cole. In the living room, The Mole manhandles -- whoa. Someone cleaned up the Casa. It hasn't looked this good since Grandma commandeered the Barcalounger to watch that Douglas Sirk movie with D'Eartha. Anyway, The Mole manhandles Phoebe as Cole smears into the background. "What happened?" Cole sighs in a beleaguered tone of voice. The Mole confesses that he mistook Phoebe for K'Amaya, and thought it best to detain Phoebe at the Casa until "the operation" has run its course. "Good thinking," Cole grudgingly admits. Then he hurls a Flaming Ball Of Death into The Mole's chest. As The Mole howls and wails and vanishes in a veil of fire, Phoebe adopts an expression of studied boredom and shakes her head. Once The Mole has blazed his merry way to the Waste Land, Phoebe books towards the elevator. Cole calls out to her, apologizing in advance for what he must do, and whips his arms out in an expansive gesture before snatching them back to his chest. Throughout the apartment, the windows flare a brief, bright yellow. Cole's just activated the Casa's supernatural security system, you see. Phoebe's now trapped, unable even to summon the Dolt. Cole ambles over to her side, addressing her as "sweetie" while suggesting that she not try to escape. Phoebe deadpans, "All right: Don't call me 'sweetie.'" Against my better judgment, I smirk, and the smirk threatens to turn into a full-on smile when Cole yanks her deeply unwilling body into an affable -- if insane! -- clinch as he steers her towards the glass-topped dining room table. They're finally playing this ambivalent affair for grins, and it's a damn shame they waited so long.

Cole plants Phoebe in a chair while off-handedly mentioning his dastardly designs on the Nexus. Phoebe arches a brow. The Mole, you understand, revealed nothing more to her than Cole's plan to reorganize the Underworld. "Ooops," Cole hoots casually. Heh. He then shrugs all, "in for a penny, in for a pound," and admits to sabotaging P3's health inspection while sending Raige to jail. Phoebe squawks about the jail thing before reminding Cole that once everyone at the Manor notices her suspicious absence, they'll hunt him down and kill him, or something. Cole giggles that he's got that base covered, and sweeps his hand through the air. K'Feebs instantly materializes at his side and jiggles enthusiastically. Phoebe's aghast, and leaps to her feet to squeal, "You need help!" and "Oh, my God!" and other similar phrases over and over again. K'Feebs artfully parrots Phoebe's line readings, which would be impressive were it not Alyssa Milano parroting herself. You know, not to nitpick or anything, but it might have been a wee bit more effective had K'Amaya been the mimic. Cole hustles K'Feebs into the elevator after retrieving Phoebe's clunky handbag from the floor. "There's some leftover Chinese in the fridge," he offers as the elevator doors slide shut. Snerk.

Charmed

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