Over at The Bay Mirror, Elise Rothman, Girl Editor impatiently explains the details of the lawsuit to the thick-headed Feebs. Phoebe instructed a bride-to-be to "flee at the speed of a baby cheetah at feeding time" from her would-be groom if the bride had any doubts at all regarding their relationship. And...that advice makes even less sense than the city ripping down P3 because of backed-up toilets. Baby cheetahs at feeding time don't flee. In fact, I'd imagine they don't move much at all, except perhaps to wriggle past other baby cheetahs to clamp down on an open nipple. Shut up, Phoebe. Anyway, having followed this illogical advice with disastrous results, the runaway bride now claims to have found in Phoebe's column a pattern of marriage-destroying "malice" arising from Phoebe's own "bitter divorce," and she's threatening to go public with her evidence. Just go with it. Phoebe suggests that the paper quietly purchase Runaway Bride's silence. Elise exasperates that Runaway Bride doesn't want money. "It's like she's on some kind of vendetta! She wants you fired!" Runaway Bride? Consider this your personal invitation to join the discussion on our forum boards. ["Also 'on some kind of vendetta'? A vendetta isn't a drug, Elise. Editor, heal thyself." -- Sars] Elise suspends Phoebe without pay until such time as the paper's lawyers can negotiate a settlement. Phoebe rises glumly to clean out her desk before fortuitously puzzling out a connection between Piper's dilemma, Raige's accident, and her own lawsuit. "Cole," she mutters through a clenched jaw.
Manor. Darryl enters the front hall to break the sad news of Raige's arrest. Piper greets this development with equanimity -- if by "equanimity," one means "a good deal of incredulous shrieking accompanied by the vigorous pinwheeling of outraged arms." Fortunately, Raige and her tattered chartreuse shroud orb in from the clink before Piper spontaneously expels the percolating infant from her womb. Darryl, needless to say, pitches a fit. How dare Raige jeopardize his career by orbing out of her cell? Doesn't she realize his superiors will blame him for her disappearance? Raige is all, "Chill -- I shoved a couple of pillows into a blanket." Darryl glares. "It worked for Lex Luthor," Raige shrugs. "Or was he the one with the holographic projector?" Or maybe Raige just claims the pillow trick always fooled her adoptive parents. Darryl grinds his teeth and orders Raige to return to jail in time for her arraignment that afternoon at two. Raige promises to orb back as soon as she and Piper figure out who's responsible for tonight's hijinks. Upon Darryl's exit, Piper reveals that the Dolt's off consulting with the ever-useless Elders. Raige rolls her eyes -- ha! -- and sighs, "Let's just cut to the chase: Our problems are legal, right? Who's the only demonic lawyer we know?" Piper nods in agreement and mentions Cole's crazy! behavior as of late, but can't quite grasp how Cole intends to exploit the current situation. Raige won't hazard a guess at this point, but suggests they keep their suspicions to themselves. Because withholding vital information from each other has always worked so well for the gals in the past.