The Importance Of Being Phoebe

Episode Report Card
Demian: C+ | Grade It Now!
The Importance Of Being A Deranged Serial Killer

Jackass, Cartwheel & Klutz. Phoebe screams through Cole's office door, bellowing, "You slimy son of a bitch!" And there's the "slimy lawyer" reference I've been expecting since the stripper bar. Phoebe demands Cole admit to his role in tonight's hijinks so she can use magic to fight him. Cole surreptitiously buries the Manor elevation beneath a folder on his desk while feigning innocence. Phoebe slams the door behind her, and I'm sorry, but what the hell is she wearing? The shiny red leather Neverland Ranch jacket with the linebacker shoulder pads I could ignore, and up to this point I've managed to overlook the white blouse with the plunging neckline and the over-aggressive abundance of starched, floral-embroidered frills, but the olive green puffy pants are caught somewhere between "cargo" and "Hammer Time," and that's just eighteen kinds of wrong. Break it down. In any event, the two make with the verbal sparring until Phoebe, in frustration, snatches up random sheets of paper from his desk and flings them into the air. Cole tries to sweet-talk her, noting that her hatred of him "is a breath away from love," but Phoebe's having as little of that foul bullshit as I am, so she spits a couple of insults and storms out of the room.

Out in the hallway, Phoebe flounces towards the elevators, passing as she goes K'Amaya, who's slouched in a chair. K'Amaya, peering over the top of her magazine, craftily studies Phoebe's every move.

Back in Cole's office, K'Amaya slinks through the door and offers to give Cole what he wants, if you know what she means. She morphs into Feeb form, replicating Phoebe's disturbing attire.

Over at the elevator bank, Phoebe taps her foot impatiently, then bolts for the stairs. Just as the door clicks shut behind her, Raige and Piper emerge from a car and pedebitch towards Cole's office. They hit the threshold and gasp in horror. The shot cuts to the gals' shared point of view, and we see Cole and K'Feebs snacking on each other's back molars while grinding against one another on Cole's desk. The shot switches again so we have Cole and K'Feebs macking in the foreground while Piper and Raige, sickened and repulsed, allow their lower jaws to drop into the commercial break.

Jackhole, Cokehead & Kink. Piper and Raige stagger through the hallway, reeling in disgust. Welcome to my world, ladies. Raige pulls it together long enough to shudder, "We need a plan." "How's this?" Piper quips. "We go home. We vomit." Pause. "And?" Raige asks. "That's all I have so far," Piper mutters, stumbling towards the elevator. Heh.

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