Charmed
Charmed

Episode Report Card
1163 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
We Don't Need No Water, Let The Bimbo Retard Burn!

And Piper's location ends up being the supermarket parking lot, where he startles her into dropping her groceries onto the asphalt upon his arrival, and fuck this shit. Hate the subplot, hate the character, hate the actor, and so long story short, Simon Mocks pleads his case, again, using the same lines he did in the earlier scene with Phoebe and Raige, and Piper tells him to go to Hell. Atta girl. However, Piper's so distracted by all of this bullshit nonsense that she ends up backing the Grand Cherokee into a fender-bender with some enormous truck -- seriously, we soon see that the grille of the thing is taller than she is -- that has suddenly appeared behind her. She hops from the driver's seat spewing apologies and is shocked to discover that the monster truck's driver is none other than Season Six's Fireman Greg. Who? Exactly. Piper smiles out an uncertain "Hi!" while Hilton Cooties guffaws at the randomness of it all, flashing his scary, vermin-infested rack of teeth at her in the process.

Back in the Manor, The Lispy Retard sits with Chissssty atop the bed in Suicide Boudoir and pumps her sister for information on the demonic clan who absconded with her from Chez Jenkins all those many Halloweens ago, and I swear to God, the typewriting crackmonkeys have deliberately overloaded all of her lines with an abundance of "S" sounds just to piss me off. Chrissssty remains traumatized and silent throughout. And...sssscene.

Up in the nonexistent attic, Raige, abusing the Book of Shadows for any and all information on every single demon who ever existed, rages about Stupid Simon Mocks while Phoebe futzes with the potions pot. The doorbell rings far below during all of the blathering, and Raige guhs that she totally forgot about the lunch date she'd scheduled with Darling Henry. Mindful of the current demonic threat, Phoebe advises Raige to keep the boyfriend far away from the Manor, leading Raige to snit that Phoebe's starting to sound like "Sir Full-Of-Himself." "He may not be your Mister Right," Phoebe chuckles, "but he does have a point." Oh, I'm sorry, did I skip over the bit where the pommy little shithead derided Raige for dating a guy who not only would be of no use when battling demons, but might also prove to be a liability at those times as well? I can't imagine how that happened. Oh, yeah: The pommy little shithead's painfully crappy line deliveries temporarily rendered me deaf. That's it.

Charmed

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