Previously on Charmed, Piper and the Dolt had suddenly appearing and completely asinine issues with their marriage just to set up their stupid subplot for this evening, Piper's redheaded bastard of a lippy half-sister met her deadbeat drunk of a genetic father three years ago, and The Retarded Bimbo related a tale of woe regarding a long-missing sister of hers that absolutely no one cares about.
Currently on Charmed, the unbearably lispy Retarded Bimbo lifts the lavender scrying crystal from the smoky copper potions pot up in the nonexistent attic and swings the thing over a map of the United States, starting over the Central Plains. There will be hell to pay if that fucking thing lands on Chicago. In fact, I'm almost certain I heard every single Midwestern viewer shout at the same time, "Oh, HELL no!" when this originally aired. All eleven of us. The Retard, incidentally, hasn't spackled on her usual amount of makeup for some reason and, rather than ironing flat her fried hair as has been her wont up to now, has chosen to allow her severely bleached-out locks to dangle around her face and shoulders. I think it's all meant to make her appear fresh-faced and younger -- in other words, the actress's real age -- but it actually just makes her look a hell of a lot worse. Stick to the dramatic Adriana eyeshadow, doll. It draws attention away from your maggoty neck. Raige, her hair in braids, ambles into the nonexistent room from the upper stairs clad in a purple t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and as each and every scene between these two women thus far this season has been absolutely toxic in its badness, I'll skip to the point, such as it is: Ever since The Retarded Bimbo realized her long-missing sister that absolutely no one cares about was in fact abducted by a demon, she's been focused on nothing other than searching for the absent brunette. Boring! Raige orders The Retard back to campus for the day. The Retard protests, wondering what the Glamorous Ladies will do if a demon attacks and The Retard's not there to defend them. Oh, I think they'll manage without you, Maggot Neck. In fact -- dare I suggest it? -- they'll fucking thrive. Raige gestures about the empty attic and mugs, "I don't see any demons. Do yoooou see any demons?"