Raige stomps out, leaving her deadbeat drunk of a genetic father alone in the darkened studio. Vaklav presently arrives to sneer about how daughters tend to outlive their fathers and thus will grieve longer, and it makes as little sense as everything else in this godforsaken episode, and then he conjures a large, antique flash-bulb of the sort Weegee used for his gruesome crime scene photographs sixty years ago. Vaklav clicks the shutter and the resulting flash instantly transforms Sam into a black-and-white shadow of himself that hangs in the air for a second before vanishing. Vaklav dematerializes the camera and pulls the rolled-up collage from his jacket pocket. When he spreads the thing out on the shop's counter, we can see that Sam's taken J.D.'s place in the lower row of images, between the Madonna Wannabe and some birdbrained cheerleader. Um. DUN!? Totally not feeling it, here, but that's probably because this episode's so numbingly stupid. Pity. Not.
Nonexistent Attic. Non-Aftermath. And what I mean by "Non-Aftermath" is that what follows has nothing to do with Sam or J.D. or Vaklav, and so I don't care. Basically, Phoebe jiggles in, gives the still-bickering marrieds a pep talk, and The Magical Mexican's mojo reverses itself once the bickering marrieds realize they need to communicate better, or some such bullshit. Whatever. Once Piper's back in her own body, she sets to scry for The Retarded Bimbo's current location, but The Retard bounces into the nonexistent room at that very moment to inform Piper that scrying won't be necessary. Also, J.D. needs to talk to Sam. Yeah, good luck with that one, greaseball.
otohP kciwdahC. Okay, I just watched this scene three times in a row, and I still can't figure it out. Basically, Raige enters the darkened studio while learning that J.D.'s been caught up to speed on the whole bitchcraft thing via her cell. She also can't find Sam, of course. Vaklav squiggles in, the two confront each other, and Vaklav admits he feeds on others' pain so, you know, taking that bit of information and combining it with the fact that he pulled J.D. from the collage only after J.D.'s last living relative had died must mean that he keeps his victims ensnared only until those closest to them are gone and he can no longer benefit from the associated agony. That all makes sense. What baffles me is that Vaklav then proposes a trade: Sam for J.D. Why?
Not answered, as the scene cuts back to the Manor, where Piper's rather impatiently reminding her lippy bastard of a half-sister that they don't make deals with the demons. Except when they do. I hate this show. The upshot of the nattering that follows is that the Glamorous Idiots have no idea how to resolve the current situation. J.D. enters at this point to volunteer his services, as he owes it to Sam for Sam's having turned J.D.'s life around, and...Sam really did that? If you say so, dude. I suppose. The ladies strenuously object and retire to the attic to consult with the Dolt, leaving The Retard to guard J.D. Oh, this is going to work out well. Not. Long story short, J.D.'s come to the conclusion that he doesn't belong in 2005 at all. Perhaps, he argues, the only reason a demonic "twist of fate" dumped him here was so that he could save Sam -- and maybe, just maybe, so he could also convince The Retard not to waste her life searching for her sister the way J.D.'s father wasted his own searching for his son. It would be touching if I hadn't wanted this episode to be over with about a half an hour ago. The Retard opens her mouth to object, but J.D. pulls her into a snog to get her to shut the hell up. Also, to hit her with a blood choke, which is another way of achieving the same end, I suppose. Though you'd think he'd go straight for the chokehold. God knows I would have. J.D. eases the now-unconscious Retard onto one of the parlor sofas and slinks out of the Manor.