The Lost Picture Show

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | Grade It Now!
The One Where Demian Loses His Mind. Again.

Marriage subplot, and hello, uncomfortable flashback to Brain Krause kissing me! It really was rather sweet, I have to admit. For some bizarre reason that made perfect sense at the time, we were sitting on the floor of the set with me on one of the small throw rugs that litter the Manor, and at some point during the rather affable yet tension-filled conversation -- and yes, I do mean that kind of tension -- he playfully reached over to tug on the carpet, in the process sliding me across the floorboards, and then he just...sigh. Also: AUUUUAAAAUAUUAGH. Why didn't they cancel this shit last May? I'M HAVING DREAMS ABOUT BRIAN KRAUSE KISSING ME AND I'M LIKING THEM, PEOPLE. ANY-way, I was supposed to be recapping this tedious scene, wasn't I? Right. The Magical Mexican babbles some incomprehensible bullshit for a very lengthy period of time until Piper gets a text message on her cell phone about retrieving The Retarded Bimbo and returning to the Manor with same, as there are demonic doings afoot in the city of San Francisco. Again. Some more. She immediately clomps off towards the Grand Cherokee, with the dangerously scruffy-looking Dolt loping along after her while offering an amiable farewell to The Magical Mexican. The Magical Mexican surreptitiously crushes a few rose petals in his hands, transforming them into twin streams of glowing red mojo that plow into Piper and the Dolt's backs, and why neither of them notice what's happened until after they get back in the car is beyond me. I mean, as I noted, the Dolt is trailing behind his vicious shrew of a wife when all of this happens, so when (spoiler!) they switch bodies, Piper-In-The-Dolt should notice she's walking behind herself, right? Whatever. This show is ass. And speaking of ass, Krause's jeans are clinging quite nicely to his, and AAUUUAUAUAUUUGH. ANY-way, Dolt-In-Piper slides behind the wheel of the Grand Cherokee and can't figure out why his feet no longer reach the pedals. He also, presumably, can't figure out why he's suddenly wearing bell-bottomed pants and a pair of decidedly feminine cowboy boots; nor, presumably, does he know why his luxuriantly glossy mane of absolutely fabulous hair is suddenly obscuring his vision. God, I hate this show. Long story short, Piper-In-Dolt squishes herself into the passenger seat, and the two, to their immense horror, eventually realize what must have occurred. Their subsequent exaggerated screams echo into...

...the following scene, which I will be ignoring, because it's Phoebe in the sperm bank and...yeah. Ew.

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