The Power Of Three Blondes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 1 USERS: D
Behold The Power Of Sleaze

Attic. The gals race to a trunk and retrieve various heavy-duty weapons they've confiscated from dark demonic forces over the years. Armed with a massive crossbow, Piper crouches behind the Victorian divan while Phoebe and Raige place themselves on either side of the door, hoisting an axe and a studded mace, respectively. The titular blondes storm in, and Piper immediately squeezes off an arrow. Mange, the first Mimbo in line, gasps in terror and defensively tosses up her hands. The arrow freezes inches from her face in mid-flight. Predictably enough, Piper, Phoebe, and Raige freeze as well. Mange plucks the arrow out of the air with temporary interest, then moves off to the side with her sisters to gloat as Big Secretly-Clued-In Chris orbs onto the carpet behind them. Big Man-With-A-Plan Chris strides over and plants a sloppy wet one on Midge, which leads to an instant hissyfit eruption amongst the dim blondes. Midge is furious because Mange thinks she's stupid; Mange is furious because Midge refuses to leave Big Object-O'-Justified-Lust Chris alone; and Moron is furious because Midge got three powers, a date with Chronic, a diamond necklace, and some of that Big Hunka-Hunka Flaming Chris. Meanwhile, I'm furious because I have to sterilize my husband's lips now that they've touched skanky Jenny McCarthy's, but that's neither here nor there.

With the heat of the Mimbos' argument rapidly escalating in front of him, Big Crafty Chris steals a glance at the Book. The triquatra embossed on its cover glows an encouraging red. Once the titular blondes start shoving each other around, the entire Manor shudders as if enduring a mild earthquake, and the outmoded chandelier above the Mimbos' heads shakes loose from its mooring to crash onto the floorboards. The three points of the glowing embossed triquatra split apart and vanish. As the Power of Three shatters apart, the Glamorous Ladies unfreeze. Big Casual Chris turns to Piper, hikes a thumb at Mange, and notes, "You should be able to handle these women now." Piper coolly clocks Mange in the jaw. Raige and Phoebe quickly do likewise to Moron and Midge, and the three titular blondes go down like, well, Jenny McCarthy, actually.

"How did you know they weren't us?" Piper asks, crossing to her son. "In all my life," he replies, "I've never seen you take the bait the way that witch took it from you." "In all your life?" Phoebe obliviously repeats. "You've only been our Whitelighter for two months." "Let's just reverse the magic," Big Adorably-Evasive Chris dodges, flipping the Book open to the appropriate spell before presenting it to Ma and the aunts. The gals read aloud from the page, and the bright white fairy lights stream from the Mimbos' unconscious forms back into the Glamorous Ladies.

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