The Power Of Three Blondes

Episode Report Card
Demian: F | 1 USERS: D
Behold The Power Of Sleaze

...dragging the frame with them so we wipe over to Halliwell Manor. See what I mean with the wacky transitions? I hate this show. Directly across the street, Jennifer Sky peers through lace curtains to sneer at the Manor. The titular blondes appear to be ensconced in Manse Morphing from the first season. Appropriate, no? Of course, they've slaughtered the current occupants, who presumably bought the place after the slaughter of its previous occupants, so I'm thinking the Manse's location is not what you'd call ideal. I do wonder, though, how many of the Glamorous Ladies' neighbors have died because of their proximity to the Manor. I'm guessing the house to their right's had enormous and quick turnover, because no one seems to stick around long enough to, oh, paint the fucking thing already. Pity Greasy Dan never met with a foul end, though, isn't it?

Sorry, I'm rambling. Episodes as bad as this one have that effect on me. Jennifer Sky turns to head back into the Manse parlor for some exposition. The titular blondes intend to distribute the Ps' powers amongst themselves according to birth order, so Jennifer will get Piper's molecular manipulation, the Power Ranger should find herself with Raige's orbing and telekinesis, and Jenny McCarthy shall receive Phoebe's assortment of useless abilities. In order for the initial identity-stealing phase of the plan to work, however, all three Glamorous Ladies must be present across the street. To learn who's currently occupying the Manor, Jennifer dumps a can of black goo into a "scrying bowl," and recites the following:

Give me sight through the blackest bile:
Show me the faces I revile

The goo presently shimmers to reveal an image of Piper on the sun porch, spoon-feeding Tiny Gay Chris. "Ew. She's with the baby," Jenny sneers while shoving a banana into her mouth, and before you ask, yes, Brad Kern has seen to it that this banana will not be the last phallic object to part Jenny McCarthy's lips this evening. Referring to Tiny Chris, Jenny adds, "I can't wait to orb that thing into a volcano." The Power Ranger reminds Jenny that she herself will be doing the orbing, thanks very much, as they'll be getting their powers by "sorority." "That's 'seniority,' Margo," Jenny snits, before bitching about not receiving Raige's orbing. "There's nothing wrong with Phoebe's powers, Mitzy," Jennifer sighs, exasperated. "You'll be able to levitate." "Shyeah," Mitzy snaps. "Six feet in the air." Heh. If that, honey. "You'll also have the powers of premonition and empathy," Jennifer offers. "Like I care what happens to people or how they feel," Mitzy duhs. Hee! The Feebs never gave a rat's ass, either, so the switch seems pretty spot-on from where I'm sitting. "Maybe you should care," Margo needles, "instead of this me-me-me attitude all of the time." HA! It's like the production staff lifted viewer sentiment about Phoebe directly from our boards and dropped it whole into the script. Of course, that sentiment ended up in the mouths of a trio of evil bleached bimbos, so the production staff still needs to rot in Hell, but how did this script get past La Milano?

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