Currently on This Wretched Abomination That Improbably Lives On, we fade up on some hazy, panoramic views of the city center, before cutting over to what is clearly meant to be an alleyway near the waterfront. Raige orbs in amid the garbage and debris with Piper, looks around briefly, and puckers, "Weren't we here before?" "I mean," she continues, picking her way across the asphalt, "doesn't that mattress look strangely familiar?" "Probably because we saw one just like it in the last alley," Piper grunts, "and the 150 before that." Because this is, of course, the 150th installment of this hideous miscarriage of entertainment, and we all know how they like to get all self-referential during anniversary episodes. So much so that "150" would be the trigger for tonight's Pee-wee's Playhouse Secret Phrase Screamfest, were a certain four-letter word not abused far more often this evening. Just wait. "Now where is this paragon of good we're supposed to protect?" Piper wonders, glancing about while continuing to stroll along with her lippy bastard of a half-sister. Raige snaps something about Piper slowing down, allowing Piper an opening to grumble about returning to the Manor before the Dolt is "sentenced" by his fellow ever-useless Elders. "Don't worry!" Raige twitches. "When the [ever-useless] Elders hand down their punishment, you're gonna know!" "Well, this waiting thing sucks," Piper bitches. "I mean, [the Dolt] was an Avatar for less time than it's taking them to make up their minds." Raige stops short at this and spins to face Piper, assuring the latter rather impatiently that it's extremely unlikely she'll "lose [the Dolt] again." Which, of course, means the stupid Dolt's going to go missing in, say, the next five minutes, but that's not really the issue. No, the real issue is, as always, the Feebs, because everything -- even an episode supposedly devoted to the Dolt's ultimate fate in light of his role in the recent Avatar debacle -- is All About Her. Raige blunderingly segues into a tedious expository ramble regarding Phoebe's "man" disappearing tonight. "She didn't tell me she had a thing for Drake!" Piper exclaims. Raige admits Phoebe didn't actually cop to certain fond emotions herself, but as Drake is "cute" and "funny" and "smart" and "destined to leave," it makes him a perfect candidate for Phoebe's affections, given her sordid dating history. And no, neither Chronic nor Sparklies were cute or funny or smart -- God knows neither was that last, most certainly -- but this is a ferociously long and boring episode, and I really need to keep things moving, so let's head on into the next paragraph, shall we?
Episode Report CardDemian: F | 417 USERS: C+
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