The Three Faces Of Phoebe

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | Grade It Now!
Phoeby! Phoebi! Phoebé!

Phoebe plows down the stairs at this moment to let Piper know that Cole's left the Manor already, and all she needs is "a caffeine I.V." Piper gets strident about everyone else's apparent indifference to the death of their collective "mortal enemy," as Raige bounds out of her chair to race to work and The Powers That Be ring the Dolt's bell. The Dolt guesses the Elders want to convey a message of congratulations to the Glamorous Ladies, and orbs out with a croissant. Phoebe winces as if hungover and mutters, "Does he have to do that so brightly?" Piper sighs and collapses into the Dolt's chair with, "Well, that will teach me to be in a good mood." Snicker. Girl talk ensues, of the "what's up Phoebe's ass this episode?" variety. Phoebe went to bed last night feeling fine, then woke up this morning with a vague sense of doom involving her fiancé. "It feels like a premonition that's trying to come out," she explains, "but it never quite does." Piper diagnoses this as yet another case of pre-wedding jitters, but Phoebe has her doubts about that. Piper shushes her, arguing that "the only reason" Phoebe hasn't married Cole is because The Source was still lurking about. Now that The Source is dead, Phoebe is "that much closer to taking [a] very long walk down the aisle." That wailing siren you all hear is my bullshit alarm going off. First Phoebe wouldn't marry Cole because he was half-demon. Then she wouldn't marry him because he was fully human but had yet to find his place in the mortal world. Then Phoebe backed off because of some supposed fear of commitment engendered by her parents' divorce. Then it was because she feared a loss of identity made manifest by a cursed engagement ring. Now it's simply because The Source was lurking about? Make up your freaking minds about this thing or have Phoebe pull a Heche and start dating a female Elvis impersonator, because this shit is just tired. Phoebe sighs, "It feels like there's something else." Yeah, Phranc crooning "Only The Lonely," so get off the stick and get on her Harley already.

Hell. No, that was not an expression of frustration; it was a reference to the location of the next scene. Cole blazes all Source-like into The Chamber Of D'Eartha. D'Eartha has not changed her clothes since the last episode, but given Eilish's unfortunate habit of chomping on a crack cookie before making any major costuming decisions, it's probably for the best if Debbi Morgan remains in that sedate pashmina poncho of hers for the remainder of her tenure on this show. Cole seethes, "How did I get here?" D'Eartha claims The Source's power drew him to her lair, and she sees Cole accepting that power very soon. Cole clamps his right hand around her throat and shouts, "You never told me I'd become The Source if I helped vanquish him!" D'Eartha reminds him that she foresaw the two of them "doing great things together." Vanquishing The Source was simply the first in a long line of collaborative efforts. Agonized, Cole drops to his knees. Not for nothing, but the boy has been dropping to his knees a lot lately. Cole vows to fight the pull of The Source's powers and blah, D'Eartha notes that those powers would have overwhelmed him already were he not "clinging so vigorously" to his love for Phoebe and wah, and then the two really get frisky with the exposition. Once Cole dumps Phoebe and allows The Source to "fully assimilate" him, The Source's powers will "protect" Cole from Phoebe's premonitions. However, before that can happen, D'Eartha and Cole have to see to "Kurzon," a challenger for The Source's throne. Hell is in chaos due to the presumed death of The Source, and Kurzon is plotting an uprising to wrest control of the underworld for himself. At the moment, Cole is not "shtron geenuf" to vanquish Kurzon, but the Charmed Ones are. D'Eartha plans to convince Kurzon that the Glamorous Ladies are preparing to attack him. Meanwhile, Cole is to ensure that the Ps can defeat him. Cole flatly refuses to follow D'Eartha's orders. D'Eartha gets a wicked glint in her eye and reminds Cole that even if he is unwilling, The Source is more than happy to do as she wishes. Cole blazes out just as suddenly and unexpectedly as he blazed in. D'Eartha smirks.

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